In These Eyes
by LucyGoose
Summary: She lost faith in just about everything after one terrible night. Can he show her the way, or will she be lost forever? C&M. THIS IS NOT A MIRAGE! FINAL CHAPTER NOW UP! The biggest SapMonster you will probably ever read- just a warning! Thanks everyone!
1. one

So, yaay, new fic from me! Don't worry, I'm still working on _Expect The Unexpected_ and _TOW The Beach Weekend_, but I wanted to post this as soon as possible.

For those of you that read the author's note on the last chapter of _Promises_, this is the fic I was talking about. I wasn't sure if I should post it or not, but I decided to, and I really hope you guys like it! If you could leave a review when you're done reading, I would really appreciate it.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Monica ran up the stairs two at a time. On her way home from work, she had seen four of her friends in the coffeehouse, which meant one thing: He was home alone.

She reached his apartment and knocked softly. The door quickly opened, almost as if he was expecting her.

"Hey," He whispered. She just shook her head, wrapping her arms around him and capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. "I was hoping you would come," He said when they parted.

Monica nodded. "I tried to get off work early, but I couldn't," She said, blushing a little.

He softly massaged her shoulder and led her over to one of the barcaloungers, where she collapsed into his lap. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent.

She, in turn, closed her eyes and leaned up against him, just glad to be in his arms again.

It wasn't long until Chandler noticed that she was asleep. He sighed happily; he loved watching her sleep. It wasn't something he would usually do, but with Monica it was different.

Chandler realized something. He was in love. And when the time was right, he was going to tell her.

* * *

"Mon, Mon, you have to wake up," Chandler said about fifteen minutes later, lightly shaking her shoulder as he spoke.

"Mmm," Monica mumbled in her sleep.

"Monica, I'm serious. I can hear them,"

Monica strained her ears and realized that there were, in fact, footsteps that could be heard not far away. "The door's locked," She simply said.

"So?"

"So, there's no chance of them catching us, and, therefore, I am not getting up,"

"Mon…,"

"We'll just tell them we're watching a movie," Monica said, silently pleading with her eyes.

Chandler found that he couldn't object. "Oh, all right,"

They heard voices. "What the…," It sounded like Ross.

"Oh my God," Rachel cut in.

"What happened?" Joey asked.

Phoebe somehow knew that Monica was in Chandler's apartment. They heard a knock on the door. "Mon, Chandler, open up,"

Monica hesitantly went over to the door. "Hey guys, we were just watching a…oh, God," Monica paused when she saw what was happening.

Apartment 20 was on fire.

"Oh my God," Monica muttered, leaning up against Chandler, who, thankfully, was right behind her. "What…what-,"

"I'm calling the fire department," Ross declared, brushing past Monica and Chandler into the apartment.

"Rachel, what did you, how did you," Monica began.

"Hey, it might not be her fault," Phoebe said.

"No, Mon was gone all day," Rachel said quietly. "Mon, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry; I think I left the stove on,"

"Why were you using the stove?" Joey asked.

"I was making tea…Mon, I'm so, so-,"

"It's okay," Monica interrupted. Ross reappeared, looking slightly pale.

Chandler noticed at once that Monica was shaking slightly. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

Everyone noticed Monica and Chandler's closeness, but no one said anything.

The firemen arrived a few minutes later, and insisted everyone stay out of the way. The six were in Chandler and Joey's living room.

"God, Mon, I never thought-," Rachel began apologizing again.

"Rach, it's okay. It was an accident," Monica said. "It was an accident," She said again, probably more for her sake than anyone else's.

Chandler hugged her again. Phoebe opened her mouth to say something, but the others shushed her. Now was not the time.

About five minutes later, the firemen invited them over to look at the damage. The fire had been pretty bad; practically the entire apartment was affected.

"Oh, God, where are we going to live?" Rachel asked after the firemen had left.

"Well, hey, one of you can live with me for awhile," Phoebe offered.

"And the other with me," Ross added.

"Oh, that's so sweet," Rachel said. "Mon, would you mind if I stayed with Phoebe? It's just so much closer to work and all that,"

Monica just nodded, still in looking around the apartment in shock.

About ten minutes later, Rachel had left with Phoebe, and Joey and Ross had gone over to Ross's apartment to get it ready for Monica.

Monica was slowly packing a few days' worth of clothes, with Chandler watching her. They were both silent. Monica, still coming to grips with the situation, and Chandler, not sure how to talk to her about it.

When Chandler saw tears spilling out of her eyes, he pulled her into a hug. "Hey, it's going to be okay," He reassured her.

"How? Chandler, this is where I live, I-," She whispered. She didn't finish, just letting him hold her for a few moments. Then she realized something. "Oh, God, we're not going to get to-,"

Chandler put a finger to her lips. "Let's not think about that right now, okay?"

Monica nodded, wondering if he was as nervous as she was.

* * *

No matter which way she lay, Monica still couldn't get to sleep. _Ross's couch is so uncomfortable!_ She kept thinking to herself.

But then, she realized that that wasn't why she couldn't sleep.

She needed Chandler, and she knew it. She needed to feel secure in his arms, and she knew she would never be able to get to sleep unless she was lying next to him again.

Silently, she got up, pulled on a jacket, and left a note for Ross, saying she was going on a walk.

That wasn't totally a lie; she would be walking across the street to Chandler's apartment.

As she got up, she saw her apartment out the window. She stopped short when she saw someone sitting on the balcony.

Chandler. He had been watching her the entire time.

Monica smiled in spite of herself, and made a motion that said she was coming over.

Chandler grinned, and she quickly made her way out of the apartment.

* * *

"I couldn't sleep without you," Monica admitted shyly. She and Chandler were lying in his bed, barely a centimeter apart. Her head was on his chest, and his arms were around her, pulling her close.

"And you think I could?" Chandler wanted to know. His voice grew softer. "You looked so beautiful, sleeping,"

"I wasn't sleeping," Monica reminded him, unable to stop the grin that spread across her face.

"Oops, my mistake," Chandler said, playing with her hair. "But seriously, Mon, you are so beautiful. I can't tell you how many nights I lie awake, just watching you sleep,"

Monica smiled, genuinely touched by what he had said. "Keep talking,"

"You always look so peaceful when you're sleeping," Chandler said. "I love it. And…and Monica, I love you,"

Monica's heart skipped a beat. "Really?" She asked, her eyes shining.

"Really,"

"I love you too, Chandler,"

He smiled. "I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but I was afraid,"

"Afraid?" Monica asked, concerned.

"That you weren't going to say it back,"

"Oh, Chandler, I-," Monica began, but she was cut off when he started kissing her.

"What were you saying, now?" Chandler asked mischievously.

"Nothing," Monica murmured.

"I love you," He said softly.

Before she could respond, he kissed her again.

* * *

Chandler awoke when he felt Monica trying to get out of his arms. Instinct took over, and he pulled her back.

"Chandler, sweetie, I have to go. Ross is going to be up soon," She said.

His eyes fluttered open and he locked gazes with her. "What? No,"

"I'll see you later," She said unconvincingly.

"Mon, stay," He said, stroking her arm.

"I'm sorry," She said quietly. Then she leaned over and pecked him on the lips. "I love you,"

"I love you too," Chandler said.

Then she was gone.

* * *

About an hour later, around the time when normal people would be getting up, Chandler finally got out of bed. It had only been an hour, but he missed Monica. At least he would see her soon.

He stumbled groggily out of his room, and was surprised to see Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey in the living room.

"What's going on? Where's Monica?"

No one seemed to notice that he was there. They all seemed to be looking at a piece of paper.

"…so she just-?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah," Ross answered.

"And she didn't-," Joey wondered.

"No,"

"What's going on?" Chandler repeated. They all looked up this time.

"Chandler, did you see Monica last night?" Rachel asked him.

"What? N-no," He stuttered. They all looked at him disbelievingly. "Where's Monica?" He tried again. They looked at him, their faces full of emotion. "Where is she?"

"Chandler, she never came home," Ross said quietly.

* * *

I already have the next chapter written, and I just need to type it up. Let me know if you want me to post it. And I'm sorry if this was boring, but it will get better.

**_...Please Review..._**


	2. two

Okay, I know that I didn't explain the setting in the last chapter, sorry! It's in season 5 where Joey is the only one that knows about them, but Ross already lives in Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, just because it's easier. I hope that clears up any confusion, and thanks for reading:)**

* * *

**

**Chapter Two**

Monica quickly walked down the street, back to Ross's apartment. She felt bad for leaving Chandler. If it had been up to her, she would have stayed in his arms forever.

She turned the corner and was so wrapped up in her thought that she didn't notice the three men standing in front of her.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," She said, having run into them.

"Sorry? You should be sorry," One of the men sneered.

"W-what? I…," Suddenly, Monica found herself pinned to the ground.

"Oh, no," She whispered. "Oh, no…,"

She felt something cold and hard against her throat. "Speak and it'll be the last thing you do," another man growled.

* * *

Awhile later, she found herself being lifted into an ambulance. "We have to call someone," She heard a man saying. "Family, friends…someone needs to be notified,"

"Chandler," She found herself saying.

"What's that, miss?"

"Call Chandler…Chandler Bing," She whispered hoarsely before falling back into unconsciousness.

* * *

"What do you mean, she never came home?" Chandler asked.

Ross just handed him the paper. "Are you sure you didn't see her?"

"I…," Chandler was unable to continue, as he collapsed onto one of the barcaloungers, still staring intently at the note.

_She wrote this when she was coming over!_ He realized. _She never came home from my apartment. Unless…no, she wouldn't have run away. When she left, she said, "I'll see you later,"…she couldn't have known that this was going to happen…unless she got lost on her way home...It's across the street, you idiot! Okay, okay. She could have been kidnapped, or raped, or mugged, or…_

He stopped thinking, unable to picture anything worse than those three things. He refused to believe, even if it was just for a second, that Monica had been killed. It was impossible.

"Chandler!" Phoebe's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Did you, or did you not see Monica last night?"

"I did," Chandler admitted. "I did…she left that note because she was coming over here,"

"So, it's true, then?" Rachel asked. "You and Monica?"

"Yeah," Chandler finally said after a moment. "Me and Monica,"

"_What_? But, _how_? And _when_?" Phoebe asked.

"Uh-," Chandler began, but he was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"I'll get it," Ross said. "Hello? Yes, he's right here," He turned to Chandler. "It's for you,"

Chandler took the phone. "Hello? Yes…she _what_? Are you sure? Well, is she…? Okay…yes, I can get in touch with her family. Her brother's right here, actually, hold on,"

He handed the phone to Ross and began pacing nervously around the room.

"What? What's wrong?" Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel kept asking him, but he wouldn't respond.

Ross hung up the phone a minute later, a strange expression on his face. "Get dressed, and meet back here in ten minutes," He said.

"Why?" Joey wondered.

"We're going to the hospital," Ross said bluntly. Ignoring the questioning looks his friends were giving him, he quickly left the room.

"All right, Chandler, what's going on?" Rachel asked.

"Mon-Monica was raped," Chandler muttered, before going back to his room and slamming the door, where he practically collapsed on the floor in tears.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the five of them reached the hospital. They were sitting in the waiting room in silence and had been informed that Monica was still unconscious.

Chandler felt numb inside; the only thing that kept running through his minds was how scared, hurt, and confused Monica must be.

Phoebe broke the silence after a few moments. "When did you and Monica get together?"

Chandler didn't say anything, his eyes brimming with tears.

Joey spoke up. "It happened in London,"

Ross turned to face them. "London? As in, _my wedding_ London?"

"Damn London," Phoebe muttered under her breath. On any other occasion, Chandler would have laughed and made some sarcastic comment about how Phoebe couldn't go to London; she was busy having her brother's babies. Something that would make them all feel better. But right now, he couldn't.

"Please don't be mad at us," Chandler said quietly.

Ross was silent for a moment. "Yeah, I guess there are more important things to think about right now,"

"Thank you," Chandler said, and the silence resumed.

* * *

Monica awoke and immediately began shaking. She pulled her blankets closer to her body, but nothing made it go away. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks, and didn't brush them away. She didn't think she had the strength.

"She's awake," Monica heard someone say. She looked around the room and saw two nurses nearby. "Your friends are outside," one said. "Would you like me to send them in?"

_I can't let them see me like this! I'm too ashamed. They can't…I can't…No. _With tears streaming down her cheeks, Monica shook her head no.

The nurses simply nodded and left the room, leaving Monica alone.

_You're an idiot._

_I know. But they can't see me like this._

_You need them right now more than anything._

_I know.

* * *

_

Chandler was hurt beyond belief. Monica didn't want to see him. She didn't want him to hold her, or comfort her, or love her. She didn't want him.

_Why?_

It hurt him. It hurt him that Monica had been traumatized so badly that she didn't want to see her own best friends. She needed them. And they needed her. If only she could realize that.

For now, there was nothing to do but wait.

Monica would come around.

She just had to.

* * *

Thank you- **LilMondlerLuver, originalofthespecies, Baby Jefer, deputydewey, KemonyMicket, DrKerryWeaver, Chan4Mon4EVA4EVA, Melanie Gellar, Tilulation, RubyPotter, writergal90, x l p e r f e c t l x, Lindsey, Leondra.** Know that your reviews are _greatly_appreciated:)

Please let me know if you want me to keep going with this...I have the next couple chapters typed up already.

**_...Please Review..._**


	3. three

Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews!

* * *

Chapter Three 

"Chandler, will you just-," Ross began.

"No," Chandler answered almost automatically. He knew what Ross was about to ask him. It was the same thing he, Rachel, and Phoebe had been trying to get him to do for the past three days: Go home.

But he wouldn't. He couldn't, not without Monica. He'd refused over and over again, but they just kept asking. Well, Joey hadn't, and for that, Chandler was grateful. Joey somehow seemed to understand. He would just sit there with Chandler for hours, neither of them talking.

When everyone else had gone home, and it was four in the morning, Joey was still there. Joey didn't ask any questions pertaining to Chandler and Monica's secret relationship, or what they had been doing at two o'clock in the morning, the night she had been attacked.

Chandler suspected that this was partly because Joey had known about their relationship beforehand, but nonetheless, he was glad there was someone else who didn't care about all those other details; someone who just wanted Monica to be safe.

What hurt Chandler the most was that Monica was still refusing to see him. She wasn't seeing anyone, actually, and, according to the nurses, she had barely said two words since she had been admitted to the hospital.

Oh, don't think he hadn't tried to see Monica. He had asked the nurses to tell her that he was still there. He had given them notes to give her; countless messages, all saying the same thing: "I love you," He had sent cards, flowers, even stuffed animals.

Chandler looked over and saw Joey, snoring away in the chair next to him, and almost smiled. He had scared his friends even more when he had stopped making jokes. He had always been the one to make them smile, even when they had no hope left. But that was before.

He realized he was almost jealous of Joey, who could actually sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Chandler hadn't slept in days; the only reason he was probably still _alive_ was because of the endless coffees he had been given by his friends.

But there was another reason he couldn't sleep, and he knew it. He wished Monica would see him. More than anything, he just wanted to hold her again.

He rested his head on his arm, and willed sleep to come, even though he knew it was hopeless.

* * *

Monica sat on the corner of her bed, her head resting on her knees, which were pulled tightly into her chest. She had covered herself in blankets, unable to look at her body. 

Tears were streaming down her face, and she realized she couldn't remember a time in the last three days when she _wasn't _crying.

_You should have let Chandler come in._

_He can't see me like this!_

_You love him._

_I know, but I'm too ashamed. If I let Chandler in, everyone else will come in too, and I'm not ready for that._

_You love him._

_I know._

Monica slowly got out of bed, and went over to the one, small window that was in her room. It had been closed ever since she had come here, but now she opened it, tracing the rain that mirrored her tears with her fingers.

Somehow, she wasn't surprised to see that it was raining. After all, she felt terrible inside, so why shouldn't the weather be the same way?

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the door opening and a nurse walking in.

"Oh, honey, you shouldn't be out of bed," It was Ellen, the nurse that usually attended Monica. Ellen was probably in her mid-fifties, and kind of eccentric, but she was a decent person. She never tried to persuade Monica to talk and she didn't push too far.

"Come on, now, let's get you back to bed," Ellen said softly. Monica turned around and walked, on wobbly legs, back to her bed. Her confinement.

Her bed, which was surrounded by flowers, cards, presents. All from Chandler.

_You love him._

_I know._

_And he loves you._

_I know._

After seeing her to bed, Ellen left her alone. That was how she preferred it; to cry herself to sleep every night, and to wake up the next morning with tears still in her eyes. To have nightmares with creatures in them too horrible to identify. Most of the time she would wake up, screaming Chandler's name over and over in her head. But she still wouldn't let him in.

_You have to._

_I can't._

_You have to._

That night's dream was different. There were no dark alleys or frightening creatures. The only thing she saw was Chandler. In her dream, he was pacing around the waiting room, his head in his hands. He looked stressed, and it was because of her. Chandler looked up, and kept saying the same thing over and over again.

"_Let me in. Please. Let me in,"

* * *

_

"At least he's sleeping, Rach,"

"Yeah, but I wish we could get him to go home, Phoebe,"

Chandler opened his eyes, and saw Ross heading towards them, coffees in hand. "Oh, is he sleeping?"

"No, okay?" Chandler exclaimed, frustrated. "It's impossible to get comfortable in these chairs!" He had meant to sound humorous, but it came out bitter.

"Then go _home_!" Rachel said loudly, and Chandler knew he had pushed too far. "Chandler, look, we know you love her, we all do. But you're making yourself sick!"

"Just for an hour or so," Phoebe suggested. "Get some rest, take a shower, eat something,"

"No. I can't,"

"Just go," Ross spoke up. "We'll call you if anything happens,"

Chandler reluctantly agreed, knowing deep down that his friends were right.

* * *

"So, did you sleep well?" Ellen asked, coming into Monica's room, carrying a breakfast tray. Ellen always talked to Monica as if she would answer, even though it was quite obvious that she wasn't going to talk. In a way, this irritated Monica; she just wished to be left alone. But at the same time, she was grateful that _someone _was treating her like a human being. 

Monica picked at the food that was in front of her. "Come on, you have to eat," Ellen prompted. Monica looked up, and Ellen noticed that there was a change in her face; she was clearly troubled by something. Of course, she already had many issues to deal with, both physically and emotionally. But it seemed like something else was haunting her thoughts.

"Honey, are you all right?" Ellen asked, not really expecting an answer.

_Of course I'm not all right._

"Can you send Chandler in?" Monica asked quietly, her voice hoarse and almost incomprehensible.

Ellen looked up, surprised. Truthfully, Monica was surprised at herself. "I'll see what I can do," Ellen said, moving towards the door. She opened it, and was almost about to go out, but she stopped and turned around. "Now eat,"

* * *

"Why do you think she refuses to see us?" Ross asked, clearly hurt that his sister wouldn't talk to him. They were sitting in the waiting room, about fifteen minutes after Chandler had left. They had been discussing Chandler for the most part, all of them afraid to bring the subject of Monica up. 

"I don't know, but it's killing Chandler," Phoebe said, and Rachel nodded in agreement. They turned to Joey for his input, and realized that he had been asleep the entire time. Rachel prodded him, and he jolted awake. "Wh-wh-where's Chandler?" He asked. "Did Monica let him in?"

"No, we finally convinced him to go home for awhile," Phoebe said.

"What?" Joey asked, still half asleep.

"Yeah, he's taking a shower and hopefully he'll eat something," Ross added.

At that moment, an elderly nurse came out of Monica's room and walked over to them. "Which one of you is Chandler?" She asked.

"Uh, Chandler's not here right now," Rachel said.

"Why? What's wrong?" Ross jumped in.

"Nothing's wrong; she wants to see him," Ellen watched as the four people sitting in front of her jumped up excitedly.

"What? Can _we_ see her?" Rachel asked nervously, wringing her hands.

"No, I'm sorry. She only asked for Chandler,"

"But I'm her _brother_!" Ross exclaimed.

"Those are hospital policies. I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do," She walked away, and the four of them sat down, disgusted.

"I can't believe this," Phoebe said. "We're her best friends,"

"And I'm her brother!" Ross exclaimed again.

Rachel took out her cell phone. "I'm calling Chandler,"

* * *

Chandler stepped out of the shower, feeling somewhat refreshed. He pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans, and brushed his teeth. He walked into the kitchen and saw the answering machine light flashing. He sat down on one of the barcaloungers, and pressed the button. 

_Hey, Chandler, it's Rachel. Um, come to the hospital as soon as you get this, okay? Okay, bye._

"Damn it," Chandler said, jumping up and running out the door.

* * *

_Chandler, where are you?_ Monica wondered, pulling her knees tightly into her chest. 

Ellen reappeared, coming to take her breakfast tray away. Monica couldn't hide her disappointment when she saw that Chandler wasn't behind her. Ellen noticed her look, and said something about him not being out in the waiting room, and then she left abruptly.

Monica found herself crying again. _Does he not love me anymore? Is he fed up with me?

* * *

_

Chandler ran into the waiting room, and saw his four friends sitting there, looking depressed. Out of breath, he exclaimed, "What's wrong? What happened?"

Seeing that no one else was going to answer, Joey stood up and led him away from the others. "Monica wants to see you,"

Chandler's breath caught in his throat. "Okay, okay…what's with them?"

"She's still refusing to see _them_,"

"Oh," Chandler wondered in his head if he should go and comfort them.

Joey seemed to know what he was thinking. "Go, go. I'll take care of this,"

Chandler nodded and quickly walked to Monica's room. He gulped when he saw her sitting there, looking confused and hurt. Her eyes were read, but the rest of her face was as white as a sheet. Her hair was messy, and there were scars all over her body. Chandler slowly approached her.

"Hey,"

* * *

**_...Please Review..._**


	4. four

**Thanks for all of the reviews! **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, I tried to get it up as soon as I could!

* * *

Chapter Four**

"Hey," His voice was soft, comforting, and full of emotion. He walked towards her slowly.

"Chandler," She whispered; her own voice hoarse. He nodded, and she let the tears spill down her cheeks, unable to hold them in any longer.

He went over to her bed and held her while she cried, wishing with all his heart that he could make her tears go away. He would do anything to see her smile again. She buried her face in his chest, clutching at his shirt. He softly whispered what he hoped were comforting things in her ear.

"It'll be okay now, Mon, it'll be okay,"

"I love you, I love you, I love you,"

She looked up when she felt his tears on her cheeks. "You're crying," She managed to get out.

"You gave us quite a scare there, sweetie,"

"Why me, Chandler?" She asked with a whimper. "Why?"

"I don't know, honey," He said softly, pulling her closer. "I don't know,"

She felt him trying to get up, and she pulled him closer. "Please don't leave me. Please,"

He looked at her, concerned. "I was just getting another blanket for you. You were shivering,"

Monica just nodded, not even realizing that she had been cold until now. He went over to the small closet in her room and retrieved a blanket for her. He came back over, wrapping it tightly around her, and pulled her into his lap again.

"I thought you didn't love me anymore," She said softly.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"When they said that you had left…," She said, her eyes downcast.

"Oh, God, Mon, I'm so sorry. Of course I still love you,"

"Why did you leave?"

"I just went home to take a shower. I came right back,"

"So, you still…,"

"Mon, of course I do! I love you more than anything. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me,"

A tear slid down her cheek. "You don't mean that,"

"Sweetie, yes, yes I do," He reassured her. She buried her face in his chest and didn't answer. "Mon?" He asked.

"I was so scared, Chandler. I thought I would never see you again," She whispered in a teary voice.

"Mon," He said, lifting her chin up gently, so that she was looking him in the eye. "Mon, I'm here. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. I swear. I'm staying right here, okay?"

Monica nodded and whispered, "Thank you,"

* * *

"So, what? She'd rather see her boyfriend than her brother?"

"Ross," Rachel said in a warning tone.

"No, this is insane! We're family!"

"Look, calm down," Phoebe said. "She doesn't want to see us and there's nothing we can do about it,"

"Isn't there some sort of rule that allows family to go in?" Ross asked, jumping up.

Joey grabbed his arm. "Don't push it, okay?"

Ross looked at all three of them. "I can't believe you guys! It's like you don't even _care_!"

Rachel stood up to face him, fuming. "You think we don't _care_? Monica is our sister too, in every way except by blood! You think this _isn't_ tearing us up inside? Because it is! And if you would just stop thinking about yourself for like, one second, you would see that!" Rachel sat back down, tears forming in her eyes.

"Uh, Rach, I-," Ross began, but Rachel cut him off.

"No, just shut up! I don't want to hear it!"

"Rach, let's go get something from the cafeteria," Phoebe offered, already putting an arm around her and leading her away.

Ross turned to Joey, who was still sitting there. "I'm sorry," He said quietly.

"I think you should tell Rachel that," Joey said, started to get up, but Ross stopped him.

"I know you're mad at me, but could you stay?" He asked hopefully. Joey contemplated this for a second, but, being the good friend that he was, nodded and sat back down.

* * *

Chandler noticed that Monica had fallen asleep in his arms, and he wondered who could be so horrible as to hurt someone as beautiful and as perfect as her. She had done nothing to deserve this, of that he was certain. He wished there was something he could do to help, but he realized that he had no idea what Monica wanted from him right now.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and two police officers entered. Monica jolted awake and began shaking at the sight of these strange people.

"We just want to ask a few questions," One of the officers explained. After seeing Chandler nod, they sat down.

"Okay, let's get straight to the point. Did you see any of the men's faces?"

Monica shuddered and didn't answer. "Mon?" Chandler prompted softly, all the while squeezing her hand tightly to let her know he was still on her side.

Seeing that she wasn't going to answer, the officer began again. "Okay, next question-,"

"Stop!" Monica cried. "I'm not going to answer any of your questions! I don't _want_ to remember!" Tears ran freely down her cheeks, and Chandler hugged her tightly.

"Shall we come back another time, then?"

Neither of them responded.

* * *

"Phoebe, I don't know, I still feel really bad," Rachel said as she sat with Phoebe in the cafeteria.

"Don't be. You did the right thing,"

"You think?"

Phoebe nodded. "I wish I'd stood up to him,"

"He just doesn't realize how much he-how much we-,"

"I know," Phoebe said softly.

"Hey, Phoebs?" Rachel asked after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Monica _is_ going to see us…sometime, right?"

Phoebe paused. "I think so. I mean, she can't go her _whole_ life without seeing us…right?"

"Right," Rachel said, although she herself was not so sure.

* * *

"They're not going to be mad at me forever, are they?" Ross asked. Joey just shrugged his shoulders. "Look, Joe, I'm really trying here,"

"I don't _think_ they're going to be mad forever, but I don't _know_, okay? Why don't you ask them?"

Ross was silent for a minute. "I'm sorry, man,"

"I'm not mad at you, Ross," Joey said quietly. "I just want you to realize-realize that-God, I don't even know what I want anymore!"

"Joey, you do look really stressed," Ross pointed out. "Maybe you should go home for awhile,"

"No, I'm fine,"

"Joey, look-,"

"No, if Monica kicks Chandler out again, he'd want me to be here for him,"

"Rach, Phoebe, and I are here…,"

"I know, but I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't here,"

"Yeah," Ross said, somewhat agreeing. "I just want Mon to be okay," he said, his voice breaking a little.

"I know," Joey said. "We all do,"

* * *

"Mon, honey, are you-," Chandler began softly after the police officers had left.

"Make them go away, Chandler," She pleaded. "Please make them go away," She began sobbing uncontrollably, and he began crying as well. He held onto her tightly, rocking her back and forth, hoping that he was helping.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered. "I wish I could. I'd do anything for you, you know that, right?"

Her head was still buried into his shoulder, but he thought he felt her nod.

She looked up, her eyes still brimming with tears, and kissed him softly. Chandler was surprised, but he kissed back. The kiss was short, but full of emotion. It was interrupted by a knock on the door. Monica looked at Chandler, horrified. "I won't let anything happen to you," He whispered in her ear.

He went over to the door and opened it, surprised to see Ross on the other side. "Uh, Ross…?" He said, only opening the door a little.

"I want to see Mon,"

Chandler turned around and saw Monica, with a scared expression on her face. "I'm sorry Ross, she doesn't want to see you,"

"Oh, you think you're so special," Ross scoffed. He pushed the door all the way open. His mouth visibly dropped open when he saw how terrible she looked. Without hesitation, he turned around and ran. Chandler stared after him.

"Am I…am I really that bad to look at?" Monica whispered hoarsely, causing Chandler to look at her.

"Oh, no, sweetie. You're beautiful," He said, coming over to her again. He took her hand. "And I love you. Always and forever,"

* * *

Rachel and Phoebe walked back to the waiting area, and saw Ross running out, with Joey following him.

"What was that about?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know, but I think we should go too," Rachel said. Phoebe nodded, and they ran after them.

* * *

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	5. five

**Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! I really appreciate them:)

* * *

Chapter Five**

Ross finally came to a stop outside the hospital, where he found a bench and plopped down on it.

"Ross, what's wrong?" He heard Joey ask.

"I-," He began, but then Rachel and Phoebe showed up.

"What the hell is going on?" Rachel asked.

"I…I saw Monica," He said quietly, hearing them audibly gasp.

"She-she let you?" Phoebe asked.

"No, I just…I just went," Ross said, shaking his head.

"Ross!" Rachel exclaimed.

"No, just don't, Rach. Just don't yell at me right now. Okay, I have never seen her so scared and frightened, and hurt and…," He stopped, surprised, when Rachel leaned over and hugged him.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Rachel said softly.

"No, it was my fault. I wasn't even realizing that you guys had feelings about this too. You were right. I was only thinking about myself,"

"Is that why she won't see us?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, I mean, it's Monica. She never shows that she's hurt or-,"

"I know," Joey said.

"So, Joey, did Chandler talk to you at all?" Ross asked.

"What?"

"You know, when you and he were in the waiting room together for so long…,"

"No, he didn't talk at all,"

"Really?" Rachel and Phoebe said together.

"He would just sit there, staring into space. It was…I pretended I was asleep so I wouldn't have to look at him. Then, he actually thought I was asleep, and started crying…,"

"Chandler never cries!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Yeah, but neither did Monica…," Ross pointed out.

* * *

Chandler arrived at the hospital the next morning with circles under his eyes. He hadn't slept well the night before; Monica's tear-filled face kept appearing in his dreams. She had seemed to be getting somewhat back to normal, however; she had told Chandler matter-of-factly that he looked terrible, and when he admitted to not getting much sleep the past couple of days, she told him to go home. Though that didn't stop him from thinking about her or worrying about her.

He walked into the waiting room, and checked his watch, hoping that visiting hours had already started, so that he wouldn't have to wait to see Monica. He was, however very surprised to see Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey sitting in the waiting room. Ross saw him first and jumped up.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"What?" Chandler asked. "And since _when_ do you hate me?"

"Monica has been waiting for you for like, an hour!"

"What are you talking about? It's 8:00 just now!" Chandler said, checking his watch again.

"Uh, no," Phoebe said, pointing to a clock on the wall. "It's 9:17,"

"Oh, God. Joey, did you drop my watch in the toilet again?" Chandler asked.

"No…the bathtub," Joey responded, shrugging. "Sorry, man,"

"Damn it," Chandler said, running for Monica's room.

"He thinks we hate him?" Rachel softly asked, confused.

* * *

Chandler cautiously opened Monica's door, as not to frighten her. She was lying on her side, facing the wall, but Chandler knew she was awake. "Hey," He said softly.

She turned to face him and slowly sat up. "Chandler. Thank God,"

He went over to her, relieved that she wasn't mad, and enveloped her in a hug. "I'm so sorry," He said. "Joey dropped my watch in the bathtub, and-,"

"It's okay," She whispered. "You're here now, aren't you?"

"That I am. Oh, and I brought you something," He said, picking up the bag he had dropped on the floor.

"What?" She asked. He handed her the bag, and she opened it, pulling out a pair of Chandler's sweat pants and one of his t-shirts.

"I just figured that you hadn't changed clothes in like, four days," He explained. "And I know how much stuff like that bothers you, so-,"

"Thank you," Monica said, her head resting against his chest.

"I would have gotten some of yours, but your apartment was locked,"

"It's okay. I'd rather wear your clothes anyway,"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. Monica suddenly realized that in order to change clothes, Chandler would have to see her body. She shuddered at the thought.

"Mon, you okay?" Chandler asked, felling her tense up. She looked in his eyes, and saw nothing but love and concern.

"Will you…will you help me change clothes?" She asked softly.

Chandler couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. "Are you sure?"

Monica nodded. "I trust you,"

Chandler felt his eyes well up with tears. "Okay,"

* * *

"I don't think he thinks we _hate_ him, Rach," Phoebe said.

"Maybe he thinks we're jealous because he's the only one who sees Monica!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Look, Rach…,"

"Or it could be that Ross yelled at him," Joey said.

"Oh, not you too!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Or that Ross got freaked out and ran away," Rachel added.

"Uh, guys?" Ross said, causing them to look at him. "I'm _right_ here!"

"Okay, he doesn't think we hate him!" Phoebe said loudly. "He's going through a hard time, and he's under a lot of pressure! He needs us to be there for him, not getting mad at him for something we don't even know is true!"

Rachel, Ross, and Joey all nodded and muttered words of apology.

* * *

Chandler held a crying Monica close to him. He knew that this had been a big step for her, and he was so proud of her. Sure, she had cried through the entire thing, but he didn't really expect more than that. He knew that he had cried too, at seeing all of her cuts and bruises.

As her sobs died down, she whispered, "I'm sorry,"

"What? Mon, why are you sorry? Okay, you have no reason to be sorry. Ever. None of this is your fault,"

"Yes it is,"

"Mon, Sweetie-,"

"No. You told me not to leave, and I should have listened. I should have listened," She began crying again, and Chandler pulled her even closer, rocking her back and forth.

"Monica, please don't blame yourself. Please. It's not your fault,"

She lifted her head up and looked him in the eye. "You don't know what it's like Chandler, you don't. I'm afraid to make any decisions, I can't trust myself, I-I'm so ashamed," She whispered, now crying even harder.

"You shouldn't be ashamed. Mon, this isn't your fault. You have to realize that, okay?"

"I love you so much," Monica said into his chest.

"I love you too," Chandler said, trying to ignore the fact that his own eyes were filled with tears.

They sat there like that for quite awhile; Monica with her head resting on his chest, the rest of her body curled up against his, and Chandler, holding her as close as possible, one of his arms wrapped protectively around her, and his other hand tightly intertwined with hers.

He looked down after a few minutes and saw that her eyes were closed. He assumed that she was sleeping, but then she said something, quietly. "I never want you to leave me,"

"Oh, Mon, I don't want to leave either, but there are rules, and-,"

"That's not what I meant," She spoke softly; her eyes still closed.

Chandler softened. "I know. And I won't,"

"You promise?"

"I promise,"

The silence resumed, but Monica didn't mind. Right now, all she cared about was having Chandler's arms around her. As long as he was next to her, she would be all right.

* * *

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	6. six

Here's part six! I really hope you like it!

* * *

Chapter Six

At 7:00 that evening, the four friends that had occupied the waiting room all day had basically given up hope that Monica would want to see them, so they went back to Joey and Chandler's apartment and ordered pizza.

"So, what are we going to do about sleeping arrangements when Monica comes home?" Ross asked, snapping everyone out of their trances.

"Well, uh…I'm guessing that Monica is going to want to stay with Chandler," Rachel said, trying to hide the jealous sound in her voice.

"Rach, you can just stay with me," Phoebe offered; Rachel had stayed with her for the past week or so. "But Joey should probably stay with Ross for awhile,"

"What? Why do I have to move?" Joey wondered, his mouth full of food.

"Joe, Monica isn't comfortable around us yet," Ross said softly, sounding a little hurt himself.

Rachel stepped in. "She's probably going to want to be alone with Chandler for a few days,"

"Okay, I guess," Joey said. "Are we going back to the hospital after this?"

"We've been there all day!" Phoebe complained. "She's not going to see us,"

"Come on. She's our friend and she needs us," Joey pleaded.

"He's right," Ross said, standing up. Everyone finished their last slice of pizza and made their way out the door.

* * *

"Excuse me," A nurse said, coming into Monica's room about an hour later. "Visiting hours are over. Sir, you need to leave," She closed the door behind her, giving Monica and Chandler some privacy.

Monica looked at Chandler through tear-filled eyes. "I love you," She said softly.

"Mon, I'll be right outside. I won't go anywhere, okay?" She nodded and he kissed her on the cheek. "Goodnight," He said softly, tucking her into bed. "I love you," He said before letting himself out.

* * *

"Chandler, are you okay?" Rachel couldn't hide the surprise in her voice when she saw him come out of Monica's room, looking worse than she had ever seen him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," He said, sitting down on a chair next to them and burying his head in his hands.

"You don't look fine," Phoebe said.

Ross looked at him curiously. "Is it Monica?"

Chandler looked up. "No, it's not Monica,"

"What?" Rachel and Joey asked together.

"I just…guys, I don't think I can do this. I mean, it gets worse every day. Monica, looking so scared and lost and…and I can't help her! I just, I-,"

"Look, Chandler, it's okay to feel this way," Phoebe explained. "But Monica needs you so, so much,"

"And we can't be in there, so you have to be there for all of us," Ross said softly.

"We know it's hard," Rachel said. "But you can't give up,"

"She blames herself," Chandler blurted out.

"What!" The four of them said together.

"Yeah, she-that night, she had to leave really early, and I begged her to stay, but she knew she had to go. I did too, I…," He sighed, putting his head in his hands again. "She blames herself,"

After a moment of silence, Phoebe asked the question they all had been wondering about. "Who do you blame?"

Chandler looked up again, surprised. "What?"

"Who do you blame?" Phoebe repeated.

"I…I don't think it's Monica's fault, if that's what you mean,"

"Do you think it's your fault?" Rachel asked. Chandler didn't respond right away.

"Look, guys, just give him a break," Joey said.

"Chandler?" Ross asked after everyone was silent for a few minutes.

"Yes, okay? I blame myself,"

"W-why?" Rachel couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know, all right? Maybe it's because I let her walk home alone in the middle of the night. Maybe it's because she didn't want to see me for so long; I thought she blamed me too. I don't know,"

The other four were shocked that all of this had been going through Chandler's head for so long, and he hadn't said anything.

"It's late, we should probably get going," Joey said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm staying here," Chandler said, avoiding their eyes.

Everyone else shared glances, and sat back down. "Then we're staying too," Phoebe said.

"No, you don't have-," Chandler began, but Rachel cut him off.

"We want to,"

* * *

Monica had been trying to ignore the feeling all day, but it was back and she couldn't fight it any longer. She got out of bed and walked over to the door, trying to ignore how wobbly her legs were and how lightheaded she felt. She opened the door and walked out.

* * *

"Chandler," Her voice was barely audible, but Chandler heard it anyway. He woke up almost immediately. She was standing a few feet away from him, leaning against the wall for support. He eyes were blood red, but the rest of her face was pale.

"Monica, you're not supposed to be out of bed," He said softly, going over to her.

"Chandler," She said hoarsely. "I want a shower,"

"Sweetie, it's the middle of the night,"

"I want a shower," She repeated. What scared Chandler the most was that she wasn't crying. It was almost as if she didn't have any tears left. She looked as if she was about to break.

"Please," She pleaded. "I can still feel them on me,"

He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay,"

"I want a shower," She pleaded weakly, her head buried in his shoulder.

"Tomorrow," He promised.

"No, no, now," She whispered. "Now,"

"Tomorrow," He repeated. "Come on, you need to go back to bed," He gently picked her up and brought her back into her room. He lay down beside her and wrapped his arms around her protectively. He saw tears streaming down her race as she tried to fall asleep.

"Don't worry, Mon," He whispered softly. "I'll never let anyone hurt you again,"

* * *

Back in the waiting room, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Ross stared at each other in shock after the scene they had just witnessed.

"Was that…?" Joey asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Phoebe said, leaning over and hugging him. "That was Monica,"

"No, that couldn't have been her," Rachel said, her eyes welling up with tears.

"It was, Rach," Ross said, his voice shaky as well. "It was,"

* * *

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	7. seven

**Chapter Seven**

Chandler woke up the next morning at the sound of the door opening. He opened his eyes and saw that it was a nurse. Ellen, was it? Monica had talked about her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, she couldn't sleep, and-," he began, realizing that the nurse was probably wondering what he was doing there.

"It's okay; your friends told me," she said, setting Monica's breakfast tray on the table, as Monica wasn't awake yet.

"Oh," Chandler said, and he realized that they must have seen what had happened last night. "Are they still out there?"

"No, they left around midnight,"

"Oh," Chandler said again, checking his watch and figuring that they were probably still asleep.

"If you go out in the hallway and take a left, a few doors down is the shower room. There are towels and soap already there," She turned to face Chandler, and said, "Be careful. This is a big step for her,"

"Thanks," Chandler said. "And I will," He forced a smile.

She returned the smile, and said, "I have a lot of other patients that need attending to. Could you make sure she eats when she wakes up?"

"Sure," he said. After she left he realized that he had to go to the bathroom, and quietly got off the bed.

"Chandler," Monica whispered, her eyes fluttering open.

Chandler went over to her, and said softly, "Shh, sweetie. Go back to sleep. I'm just going to the bathroom,"

"'Kay," Monica murmured, nodding, and already falling back asleep.

When he reentered her room a few minutes later, he found her up and out of bed, gazing out the window. "Hey," He said softly. She didn't respond, so he went up to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. She immediately softened at his touch, and leaned up against him. "The nurse said you could have a shower today," he said softly.

She turned around and hugged him back. "Thank you," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "You have to eat first," She made a face and he led her back to her bed.

Fifteen minutes later, they walked down the hall, she leaning up against him, and he with his arm around her. He stopped in front of the door. "You ready?" he asked softly. Monica just nodded. He paused. "Mon, are you-,"

"I'm fine," she said, trying to sound as if she really was. "Can we just go, please?"

Chandler nodded and led her into the shower room, which, they were pleased to find, was empty. Monica sat down on one of the benches while Chandler got her a towel and some soap, and started the water.

He looked at her and realized that she was shaking. "Hey," he said, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting hug. "It's going to be all right,"

She nodded and he helped her undress, all the while trying to ignore the countless scars already forming on her body. He helped her into the shower. He let her wash her hair herself, but she wanted him to do the rest.

She leaned up against the wall of the shower for support, while Chandler gently ran the washcloth back and forth across her body. She tried unsuccessfully to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks.

He kept telling her what he hoped were comforting things, and apologizing when he thought he had hurt her, but the tears kept coming, and then he realized that she wasn't crying from the physical pain.

A few minutes later, he helped her out of the shower and gave her a towel, which she wrapped tightly around herself. He helped her get dressed again, and he kissed her softly on the cheek. "I love you so much, you know that, right?" he said. Monica could only nod, as she was overcome by a new wave of emotion. "Let's go," he said, taking her hand and draping his arm around her shoulder.

They walked back to Monica's room slowly. Chandler could tell that Monica was tired; he knew that this had been a long day for her already, and it was only 11:00 in the morning.

As for Monica, all she wanted to do was go back in her room and sleep, provided that Chandler was with her.

When they turned the corner, they were surprised to see Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey waiting outside Monica's room.

Monica stopped and stood, motionless. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Mon, Chandler, we need to talk," Rachel said, stepping forward.

Monica suddenly felt a wave of dizziness. She tried not to make a scene in front of them, and, thankfully, Chandler knew something was up. His grip on her tightened, and he turned back to the others. "Guys, can we just have a minute?" They all nodded, and Chandler and Monica went into her room. As soon as the door closed behind them, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I'm so sorry; I know you're not ready for this-," He began.

"Chandler, I can't deal with them right now, I just can't," Monica whispered.

"I know," he said softly, his voice comforting. "I know," He looked at her, concerned. "You look really tired, Sweetie. Why don't you lie down for awhile, okay?" Monica nodded, and he helped her into bed. Her eyes closed almost immediately, and he kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back," He whispered.

Her eyes quickly opened. "Chandler…,"

He took her hand in his and softly caressed it. "I promise. Now get some sleep," After seeing her hesitantly nod, he went over to the door and let himself out.

"Guys…," he began, when he saw them still standing out there with unreadable expressions on their faces.

"Where's Monica?" Phoebe asked almost accusingly.

"Look, she's really tired and she's already been through a lot today," He explained. "Now, what you saw last night was-,"

"We're not here to talk about last night," Joey interjected.

"We're here to talk about why Monica won't see us," Ross said.

"She's not ready to-,"

"It's been like a week, Chandler!" Rachel exclaimed.

"We know she's been through all this terrible stuff, but we want to be there for her, and-," Joey began, but stopped when Monica's door opened and she walked out.

They all looked at her expectantly. "The door's not soundproof," she said, walking over to Chandler who placed an arm around her waist, in an effort to steady her.

Everyone was silent for a few moments. "Please don't stare at me," Monica said, tears already starting to form in her eyes.

"Mon," Ross said, placing a hand on her arm. She jumped back, startled.

"Monica, we're not going to hurt you!" Rachel said a little too loudly. Monica took a few steps backwards at the tone of her voice.

"You have to trust us!" Phoebe exclaimed. Monica's vision became blurry with tears, and she felt so overwhelmed that she couldn't take it anymore. She turned around and disappeared into her room, closing the door tightly behind her.

"Oh, God," Rachel said, her hand flying to her mouth.

"Chandler you know we didn't mean to-," Joey began, but Chandler cut him off.

"Oh, yeah? Then what did you mean to do?"

"Well we wanted to-," Ross began.

"Scare the crap outta her? Well, guess what? It worked!" Chandler said, his voice getting louder with every word.

"Look, you know we would never do anything to hurt her!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Chandler didn't respond right away. "Right?" Rachel asked. "You know that!"

"I-I have to talk to her," Chandler muttered, before disappearing, as well, into Monica's room.

"Chandler!" Ross called after him.

* * *

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	8. eight

Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews!

I'll put the next chapter up as soon as I can! But only if you review!

* * *

Chapter Eight 

Chandler walked into Monica's room, trying to ignore the fact that Ross and the others were still pounding on the door and yelling for him to come back out. He went over to Monica, who was lying on her bed, huddled up in a ball. Her eyes were shut tight, as if they were trying to block everything out. He lightly touched her arm, making her eyes open, and he saw that they were filled with tears.

"Mon, it's okay, they're not coming in. It's just us," he said soothingly. "It's just gonna be us,"

His voice alone comforted her; his words wrapping around her like a soft, warm blanket. She slowly sat up and leaned against him. He immediately wrapped his arms around her. "You didn't have to stick up for me," she whispered tearily.

"Yes, yes I did," he reassured her. "Because you know what, Mon? You and me…we have to stick together. Baby, it's us against the world,"

That did it. She couldn't hold her tears in anymore. Monica completely broke down, her emotions spinning out of control; her breathing becoming heavy as tears ran rapidly down her face.

Chandler just held her tighter; hating that she was so insecure and had so little faith in herself. God, how he hated seeing her cry. Her once happy and bright face now showed how gloomy and miserable she really was. "Mon, Honey, don't cry," he said gently. Her small, frail arms wrapped around his waist, holding on as tight as they could.

Hertears died down after a few minutes, but the two of them stayed wrapped around each other. "I love you," Monica whispered quietly, her voice weighed down with sobs.

"I love you too," Chandler said, leaning down and kissing her softly. He took one of his hands away from her waist and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. She ran her hands through his hair, just focusing on the kiss and forgetting, even if it was just for a moment, everything that had happened. All that was real to her right now was Chandler…his lips softly brushing hers, his hands gently stroking her hair, his eyes never leaving hers, making sure that she was okay.

"Uh, Mon?" Chandler asked after a few minutes. She pulled away from him and blinked a few times.

"Yeah," she whispered, agreeing with him, rather than asking him to clarify. Neither of them said anything else; no words were necessary. He rubbed her back softly and she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes. Within minutes, she was asleep.

* * *

"Ross, will you _stop_ already?" Rachel asked, irritated. "They're not going to let us in!" 

"Well, I think we ruined all chances of _that_!" Phoebe exclaimed, also irritated.

"Yeah. What the hell were we thinking?" Joey muttered, shaking his head.

"We were _thinking_ that we could convince Monica to see us!" Ross practically yelled.

"Ross, Ross, calm down," Rachel said softly. "Look, maybe we should just go. I haven't been to work in _days_,"

"Yeah, I can't even remember what the coffeehouse looks like," Phoebe said, standing up.

"So, what?" Ross asked. "We just…_forget_ that they're here?"

"Monica's coming home tomorrow," Joey reminded him. "We'll straighten everything out then,"

Ross thought about this for a moment and nodded slowly. "Okay,"

* * *

Monica was released from the hospital the next day. The doctor had complete faith that she would recover, both physically and emotionally. He did, however, recommend a therapist. Monica had immediately rejected this idea, but Chandler had said that they would cross that bridge when they came to it. 

After the doctor left, Monica packed her few belongings with mixed emotions. She couldn't wait to get out of the hospital, yet at the same time, she was scared to death. Sure, hospitals were boring and clean, too clean even for Monica, but they were safe.

Chandler somehow sensed that she was scared, but of course when he asked her about it, she denied everything. But for Monica, it was hard to lie to someone when you had been through so much pain that you didn't even believe yourself.

"You know Mon, no matter what happens, I'm gonna be there for you," Chandler said nonetheless.

"I know," she said softly.

Ten minutes later, they were riding in a cab, on the way back to Chandler's apartment. Chandler had insisted that Monica stay with him, as he knew she wouldn't be comfortable anywhere else. Monica was grateful, as she wasn't ready for Chandler to leave her side just yet, although she didn't say that out loud.

"Chandler, you're sure this is okay?" she asked for the umpteenth time.

"Mon, for the last time, yes. I wouldn't have it any other way,"

"I don't want to invade your privacy…,"

"It's fine. I want you there, I…Mon?" he asked, seeing that her attention was elsewhere. He couldn't help but notice that she was trembling and her eyes were filled with tears. "Mon?" he tried again.

"Chandler," she said in a voice that sounded so unlike her own.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, his voice showing his concern, as he wrapped his arms around her.

"That's…that's where it happened," she whispered, pointing out the window.

"Oh, Sweetie…," he began in an attempt to comfort her.

"I want to forget," she whispered weakly.

"I know," he said softly, patting her hand; he wanted her to forget too. He wanted her to go back to the Monica everyone knew and loved; the Monica who was annoyingly happy _all_ the time, the one you could _always_ count on to tell you to take your shoes off the coffee table, the one who cleaned the bathroom _three_ times a week, or sometimes more. Okay, she _had_ annoyed the hell out of them back then, but he would give anything for her to do those things again. She was the mother of the group, the glue that held them all together, and now…she was a totally different person.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice that the cab had stopped and the driver was waiting impatiently to be paid. Chandler quickly got out some money and paid him; muttering words of apology. He carefully helped Monica out and got her bag. The car drove away, leaving Monica and Chandler standing hand in hand outside the apartment.

This was it. They were home.

* * *

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	9. nine

**Chapter Nine**

Monica stared at the apartment building, feeling tears burn her eyes. It was so strange; she cried at everything now. She tried to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. She hated that she was so emotional. At least she was out of the hospital, where they waited on her hand and foot. She could take care of herself; the attack hadn't changed that…right?

_Right, _she tried to tell herself but it was no use. She knew that she was a different person now. The attack _had_ changed her, in more ways than one. At least she could count on Chandler loving her, no matter what happened. Chandler kissing her forehead gently just confirmed her thoughts; she knew he felt it too. They belonged together and nothing could tear them apart.

He gently squeezed her hand, causing her to look at him. "You ready?" he asked softly.. She nodded and they went in, slowly ascending up the stairs.

They reached their floor and voices could be heard from inside Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica hesitated, and Chandler looked at her closely. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, looking her in the eye.

"I just…don't know if I can face them," Monica said quietly. "I mean, what if they…," she trailed off, never really intending to finish her thought.

"Hey, it'll be all right," Chandler said, squeezing her hand gently for support. Monica nodded, and then they went in.

The apartment went completely silent when they entered. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey were all a little afraid to say anything; they desperately wanted the two of them to forgive them. Plus, they were still nervous around both of them; Chandler especially. He had become so overprotective of Monica, and none of them wanted to do or say anything that either of them would take offense to.

As for Chandler, he felt a sort of resentment towards them; he knew that they were going to frighten Monica again somehow, and he didn't want that to happen. Monica felt somewhat the same way, except she was weirdly intimidated by them.

She knew that she had no reason to be, after all, these _were _her brother and her best friends. She knew that they just wanted to help, but she didn't want them to. She didn't want to be treated like a child; she wanted her friends to treat her normally, but there were obviously no chances of that happening.

The silence grew to be a very uncomfortable one. Finally, Phoebe spoke up. "We're just helping Joey move his stuff to Ross's," It seemed like a safe thing to say; Chandler and Monica were probably wondering what the four of them were doing there, all of them carrying boxes or small furniture, anyway.

"What? Joey, you shouldn't have to move," Monica said quietly, surprising herself as much as everyone else. She didn't want to be the reason for this.

"I don't?" Joey asked excitedly, but then Rachel nudged him. "I mean, yeah, I do,"

"No, you-," Monica tried again.

"What?" Ross exclaimed. "First you want us to leave you alone, and now you want us to stay?"

Monica shook her head. "It's not like that," she whispered.

"Well, then, what is it like?" Phoebe asked, trying not to lash out at her. "You don't tell us _anything_ anymore!" Rachel, Joey, and Ross nodded to show their agreement and Monica knew that they meant more than her recent issues…she and Chandler had been keeping numerous things from them for months. She hadn't _really_ talked to Phoebe or Rachel for a long time.

Then she realized for the first time that they _knew_.

If Chandler hadn't told them, she was sure they must have figured it out. What else would explain their closeness, and her trusting Chandler and no one else? She wondered if Chandler had freaked out about them knowing, and if that was why he seemed so nervous. But then she realized that that was the old Chandler. She hadn't really let it sink in before, but he had changed too. He hadn't made any of his stupid jokes; he was very protective of her, and he worried about her.

She glanced at the rest of her friends and wondered how they had reacted. Joey, of course, had already known, but she knew that Rachel and Phoebe were probably angry that she had kept it from them. And Ross…God, she didn't even want to think about how Ross had reacted. He had always been protective of her when it came to the guys she dated. And now that he found out that his little sister and his best friend had been sneaking around right under his nose for months…actually, now that she looked at them, she could see the obvious tension between Ross and Chandler. What was she going to do?

"I'm sorry," Monica said quietly. She knew that they thought she was apologizing for pushing them away, but really, she was sorry for so much more.

Ross turned to look at her. "Why do you have to be like this? I'm your brother! These are your best friends! Why-,"

"You don't understand, Ross," she said, holding back tears. "No one understands," Chandler gently squeezed her hand, but she pulled away, disappearing into his room and closing the door behind her, where she finally let the tears flow.

"I cannot _believe_ you did that again," Rachel muttered, shaking her head.

"What…me? Why is everything _my_ fault?" Ross asked angrily.

"You think that just because you're her brother, she should tell you everything!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Look, this is stupid, we-," Chandler began.

"And you!" Phoebe turned to glare at him. "You treat her like such a baby! She can take care of herself! She doesn't need you!"

Chandler sighed and took a deep breath. Phoebe's words had stung, but he wasn't about to show that.

"Phoebs…," Rachel said in a warning tone.

"No, I'm sick of this! Aren't you?"

"Sick of what?" Chandler asked. "You think she can help it?" Nobody spoke. "The thing is, Monica needs all of us, whether you like it or not!"

"You mean she needs _you_," Joey said.

"No, she needs all of you," Monica said, standing in the doorway of Chandler's room. They all looked up, surprised, as none of them had heard the door open. "She needs all of you," she said again, more softly this time.

* * *

**Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews!**

**_...Please Review..._**


	10. ten

The reason I haven't updated this in awhile is a mixture of my computer being idiotic, my habit of reading the new _Harry Potter_ book day and night, and my laziness in general. Sorry about that. This chapter is one of the longest ones, however, so hopefully you guys can forgive me...? heh.

This is also my longest story, like, _ever_, and it has the most reviews of any story I've ever published. So I'm really happy about that! Thanks you guys! Please keep the reviews coming!

Anyway, please review when you're done reading, it would _really_ mean a lot to me. Thanks:)

**

* * *

Chapter Ten**

Monica lay in Chandler's bed, the blankets wrapped tightly around herself. She knew that she had been there countless times, but it still felt weird being all alone in Chandler's room. She wished that she could be back in her own bed, in her own apartment. Rachel had told her that they would be able to move back in a week or so. She had also said that she could stay with Phoebe, and if Monica wanted to live in apartment 20 with Chandler, she would be fine with that. Monica wasn't sure how to respond to that, as she had no idea what she wanted.

She remembered the looks on her friends' faces when she had finally admitted that she needed them. To her friends, this was an improvement, but to her, it was almost the opposite.

Little did she know, Chandler was in the next room, thinking the exact same thing. It was so unlike Monica to admit that she needed help, and this worried him.

Although it had crossed his mind that she might have just said that to put an end to everyone's arguing, but he doubted that. Monica had changed so much in the past week or so that he didn't know what to think anymore.

"Dude, what's the matter with you?" Joey asked from his position on the barcalounger next to Chandler. "It's Baywatch!"

Chandler jumped, as he had been paying no attention to the television whatsoever. "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind," he muttered.

Joey immediately turned the television off at hearing this. "Is there anything I can help with?"

Chandler was doubly surprised; one reason being that Joey wanted to help, and the other…well, this _was_ Baywatch.

"No, I just…need to think for awhile," Chandler said, getting up and heading to his room.

* * *

Monica sat up when she heard footsteps approaching the room. She suddenly didn't find the darkened room so appealing anymore. She was vaguely aware that she was shaking, and pulled the blankets tighter around her. The door opened and a stream of light filtered into the room. Monica's eyes grew wide as a figure entered. Then she sighed with relief when she realized who it was. It was just Chandler. 

He saw the expression on her face and attempted to explain himself. "Oh, I'm sorry, baby, I thought you were asleep," She shook her head, silently telling him that it was all right. "You doing okay? Do you need anything?" She just shook her head again. "Mon, what's wrong?" he asked, slowly approaching her as he spoke and wrapping his arms around her, showing her in a way that he was still on her side.

"Nothing," she whispered, wiping her eyes that had somehow filled with tears.

"Monica, I know you way better than that. Something's bothering you," he said, watching her closely.

She studied him for awhile and realized that she needed to tell him the truth. "It's stupid, really," she said quietly, her voice heavy with emotion.

"Come on, please just tell me," said Chandler, as he gently rubbed her back.

"It's just…," Monica began uneasily. "I told them I needed them, but I realized that I won't-I can't let them see-," she stopped, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. "God, I'm so sorry," she said, trying to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand. Her efforts were in vain.

Chandler just responded by hugging her tightly. "Don't be sorry, Mon. I know what you're trying to say. It's okay, all right?"

She nodded and he kissed her lovingly on the cheek. "What's wrong with me?" she whispered, shaking her head in shame.

"Nothing's wrong with you, babe," he said softly. "You just-," they both looked up at the sound of a soft knocking on the door.

"It's just Joey," Monica muttered.

Chandler rubbed his thumb softly along her jaw line. "Yeah, come in,"

Joey poked his head into the darkened room. "I ordered pizza, do you guys want some?"

Monica nodded and Chandler said, "We'll be out in a minute," After Joey closed the door behind him, Monica turned back to Chandler.

"_What's_ wrong with me, now?" she asked, a tiny smile appearing on her face.

Chandler just smiled and kissed her briefly on the lips. "Let's go," he said, taking her hand in his own and leading her out the door.

Later that night, Monica, Chandler, and Joey sat in the living room, watching a movie after they had finished their pizza. Joey had chosen the movie, but of course, being Joey, he chose a movie that was entirely inappropriate. Normally, Chandler and Monica would have complained and forced him to find something else, but this time it didn't really matter; neither of them was really paying attention anyway.

They were curled up together on one of the barcalounders; she had her head resting on his shoulder, and though her eyes were closed, she wasn't asleep. He had one of his arms wrapped around her; his other hand was unconsciously playing with her hair as he stared off into space.

About half-way through the movie, Chandler noticed that she was asleep. He decided not to wake her however, as he knew she hadn't been getting much sleep lately. He softly kissed her on the forehead and her eyes immediately opened. "Sorry, did I wake you?" he quietly asked.

She shook her head. "I wasn't sleeping. This movie is boring," she whispered with a slight smile.

He smiled back and kissed her hair. "Joey, let's watch something else,"

Joey turned to Chandler, shocked. "Are you crazy? It's just getting to the good part!"

Monica shrugged and whispered, "It's okay," to Chandler.

The movie ended about an hour later, and Chandler looked down at Monica, seeing that she really was asleep this time. Joey muttered "Goodnight," before going to his room. The closing of his door awoke Monica.

"Movie over?" she murmured in a soft voice.

"Yeah," Chandler responded. "Come on; let's get you to bed,"

"No, no, I can sleep on the couch," she said sleepily.

"Mon, you have to sleep in the bed. I'll sleep on the couch. Really, I don't mind,"

Her expression turned thoughtful. "How about we both sleep in the bed?"

"W-would you be okay with that?" he asked gently. She nodded and he gave her one of his cute little smiles before carefully picking her up and carrying her into his bedroom. They lay in their usual positions; she with her head resting on his chest, and he with his arms wrapped tightly around her. It wasn't long until they were both asleep.

And that's when the nightmares came.

It might have just been that she was sleeping somewhere different, or the fact that she was feeling extremely unsafe in the apartment compared to the hospital, especially since Joey was there, or it might have been something completely different, but soon she woke up, trembling and crying.

Chandler was soon awake as well. "What, babe?" he asked softly, his voice showing how concerned he was. "What is it?"

Monica shook her head and murmured something incomprehensible, before burying her face in Chandler's chest, overcome with emotion.

"Shh, sweetie," he said soothingly. "It was just a dream," he began rubbing her back. "Just a dream,"

Monica fell back asleep after a few minutes, but Chandler stayed awake. He wished that he could do something to make her smile. His thoughts again returned to the old Monica. He wondered if he would ever see her again.

* * *

The next day, Monica woke up fairly early. Beside her, Chandler was still asleep, his arms wrapped protectively around her, as they had been the entire night. Monica had woken up four or five times during the night, and she still felt terrible for keeping him up. She felt a little better now, however, and left Chandler's room, heading for the kitchen. She had figured that making breakfast would show her friends that she was somewhat back to normal. Deep in her heart, she knew that that wasn't true in the slightest bit, but she hated how everyone always looked at her; their faces full of sympathy. 

It was only a few minutes until Chandler stumbled out of his room, with his hair slightly disheveled. He looked tired, and Monica couldn't help but feel guilty. "Hey," she said softly, watching him collapse on the couch.

"Morning," was his groggy reply.

Monica felt that she had to ask. "I kept you up, didn't I?"

"What?" No, of course not," he stated, but she didn't believe him.

"Chandler," she said quietly, going over to him. "I'm sorry,"

"No need to be," he said, looking up and giving her a quick kiss. He saw that he was still troubled, and said, "Mon, it's okay. Don't worry about it,"

"You don't have to be so nice, you know," she said, her eyes downcast.

"Yeah, I do. Because otherwise, you'd kick my ass," Chandler said with a grin.

Monica managed a small smile. "I couldn't beat you up if I wanted to,"

"I don't know, babe. I think you can do more that you give yourself credit for," Chandler said in complete seriousness.

"You do?" asked Monica.

He nodded. "I do,"

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, the six of them were eating breakfast together in Chandler and Joey's apartment. The others had been a little hesitant about coming over, but then they had realized that it was better than Monica not wanting to see them at all. 

It was a little awkward, since none of them really knew what to talk about, but soon they found something to discuss other than Monica's condition. Okay, it was just Ross rambling on about some dinosaur, but it was better than silence.

Monica habitually began clearing away the breakfast dishes after everyone had finished. Rachel jumped up without thinking. "Oh, honey, I'll take care of that,"

Monica glared at her. "I got it,"

"Oh, but Mon-," Rachel tried again.

"I can do it," Monica said slowly.

"Yeah, but you really should-,"

"What? Do you feel sorry for me or something?" asked Monica. The room went silent; Ross's talk about dinosaurs had finally subsided. "Well?"

No one was sure what to say. "We're worried about you, Mon, that's all," Phoebe said.

"Well don't, okay?" Monica said, tears already pooling in her eyes. "Just don't,"

"Maybe we should go," Ross said nervously, already standing up.

"Maybe you should," Monica agreed trying hard not to cry in front of her friends. She turned to Chandler after the door had closed behind them. "You can go too, if you want," she said, looking at her hands.

But as she looked up at Chandler, her eyes gave her away. "Is that what you want?" he asked quietly. She shook her head, letting the tears that had been threatening to fall for so long flow. Chandler walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, gently rubbing her back in an effort to comfort her. "I love you," he said quietly into her hair.

"I love you too," she whispered while wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden,"

He pulled away from her, surprised. "What? You're not a-,"

"Yes, yes I am. Everything you do or-or say, you have to make sure I'm _okay_ with it, or it won't _upset _me, or-or-,"

He hushed her, putting a finger to her lips. "Yeah, sometimes it's like that," he admitted. "But you know what? It's okay. Because I love you Mon. I love you so, so much and I don't care about all that other stuff, okay?" he paused, realizing that he was slightly rambling. "I'm sorry, I'm not so good at this-,"

"It's okay, I get it," Monica said softly, her eyes filled with tears. "And thanks,"

He kissed her lightly on the lips. "Anytime,"

* * *

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	11. eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Chandler left Monica briefly to pick up a few things from work, while she wrapped a blanket around herself and turned on the television. She seemed pretty content, that is, until Joey walked in.

"Hey Mon," he greeted her, heading straight towards the refrigerator.

"Hi," she said nervously.

He looked up for a moment. "Where's Chandler?"

"He went to work for awhile," she said, her voice quavering.

Joey looked at her closely. "Are you okay?" Monica nodded silently. "You sure?" she just nodded again. He seemed to be moving closer to her with every word, and she wanted nothing more than to hide in a corner. "Mon?" Joey asked. She looked at him with a scared expression on her face. "What is it?" he asked.

She jumped off the couch and backed up towards the wall. "Don't come any closer," she warned.

He looked at her questioningly. "I'm not going to hurt you," Her expression didn't change. "Monica?" he asked, coming a little closer.

Her voice shook. "Stay away from me," He was now one, maybe two feet away from her.

"Mon, I-,"

Just then, Chandler came into the apartment. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Monica was backed up against the wall; she was shaking and looked frightened, and Joey was only a few feet away from her. "What's going on?" he asked. He looked at Joey. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, I-I…," Joey began in an attempt to explain himself.

"Hitting on her," Chandler exclaimed. "Do you really think-,"

"No I wasn't! I-," Joey said nervously, his eyes darting back and forth between Monica and Chandler.

"Chandler-," Monica said, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt.

"Sweetie, it's okay," Chandler said.

"No, no, he-," Monica tried again, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Joey, I think you should go," Chandler said angrily. Joey just shook his head in disgust and walked out of the apartment. Chandler turned back to Monica, who was still shaking and silently crying. He pulled her into a tight hug. "Mon, honey, it's gonna be-,"

"He didn't do anything," she whispered.

Chandler pulled away from her, surprised. "What?"

She shook her head, causing more tears to fall. "He didn't…I just-I freaked out. Which is weird, because it-it's _Joey_ and-and I should have known he wouldn't do anything…I don't know why-,"

Chandler tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "It's okay, Mon. It's okay,"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," he said softly, holding her close.

* * *

"God, I feel so bad about what happened at breakfast," Phoebe said. She, Ross, and Rachel were in Ross's apartment, which had recently been deemed their new hangout. Monica and Rachel's apartment was still under construction, and Chandler and Joey's apartment was simply out of the question. Phoebe's apartment was further away and smaller, so Ross's apartment received the title.

"You feel bad?" Rachel asked. "It was my fault!"

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Ross said, coming back from the kitchen carrying coffee. Rachel and Phoebe received their cups with gratitude, and they sat there in silence until Joey burst in, clearly upset.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" Rachel asked.

"I-I-," he began, trying to catch his breath.

"Here, sit down," Ross offered. "I'll get you some coffee,"

Joey shook his head. "No, that's okay,"

"What happened?" Phoebe asked, concerned.

"I-I didn't do anything! I was just…just talking to her!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Rachel.

"I was talking to Monica and she freaked out and then Chandler saw her…and thought I was trying to-to-,"

"But you weren't?" Phoebe clarified.

"No, no, of course not! But Chandler asked me to leave,"

"Wow, they're both still really shaken up about this, aren't they?" Ross asked.

"Okay, it's not something you can forget about just like that!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I just-,"

"Are you still mad at Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

Ross looked at her for a minute, wondering how she had figured out that he was mad at Chandler when he hadn't said anything. "For-for what? For sleeping with my sister and then letting her get-,"

"It's not his fault!" Joey exclaimed.

"We really need to stop arguing, okay?" Rachel said. "This is stupid! We keep coming back to the same thing all the time!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Ross said, his voice quieter than it had been before. "I'm sorry,"

* * *

"Are you gonna be okay?" Chandler asked after a moment.

"Yeah," Monica said. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"It's okay. We'll talk to him,"

She nodded, leaning in and kissing him softly. "Thank you,"

"You're welcome," he said, offering her a small smile.

"Can I take a shower?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Yeah, of course. Do you need help?" he asked carefully, as he wasn't trying to offend her.

"No, I can do it,"

He smiled at her again before kissing her forehead. "I'll be right here, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, disappearing into the bathroom. She got the water running and slowly began to undress. Tears sprang to her eyes when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She looked at herself for a few minutes, not believing that the person staring back at her was…her.

Then she stepped in the shower and began to scrub as hard as she could.

* * *

Rachel paused before knocking on Joey and Chandler's door. She didn't know why; maybe she just needed a moment to remember why they were there, or maybe she was realizing that she was actually _afraid_ of her best friend. It could have been both, or neither, but she hesitated nonetheless.

What was really strange was that she was even knocking in the first place. She had barged into this apartment more times than you would think were humanly possible. But here she was, ready to knock.

"Uh, Rach?" Ross asked, his voice bringing her back to reality.

"Yeah, sorry. Yeah," she stuttered and, pushing all those other thoughts aside, she knocked.

There was no answer at first and Rachel turned to Phoebe, Joey, and Ross, who were behind her and gave them a questioning look. They shrugged in response and she knocked again.

This time, Chandler opened the door. "Hey guys. Sorry, I fell asleep for a minute,"

"Can we come in?" Phoebe inquired.

"Oh, yeah, of course,"

They filed in and Ross began. "Look, we just want to- where's Monica?" The four of them looked around the room in confusion.

"She's in the shower," Chandler explained.

Joey looked at his watch. "How long has she been in there?"

Chandler looked at his own watch. "Wow, like an hour,"

"Think she fell asleep?" Phoebe asked. They all looked at her. "It happens more than you think!"

"Yeah, you know what, I'll be right back," Chandler said, going over to the bathroom. He wasn't surprised to find it locked, and he knocked softly. "Mon, honey, can I come in?"

The voice that answered him was cold, hard, and bitter. It sounded nothing like Monica. "No,"

"Sweetie, you've been in there for like, an hour,"

"So?" she asked, and this time her voice was totally different. It was weak-sounding and quiet.

"Mon, please can I come in?" After a minute or so, the door unlocked and Chandler went in. He looked at her in question when he saw her scars bleeding freely. "Sweetie?" he asked.

"I can't get clean," she whispered to him tearfully.

* * *

**I'm almost done with the next chapter, and will be putting it up soon.**

**_...Please Review..._**


	12. twelve

Quick updating! Yay for me!  
Thank you for your wonderful reviews

* * *

Chapter Twelve

"What are we going to say to them?" Rachel hissed after Chandler had left the room.

"I don't know," Phoebe said nervously.

"It's really hard to talk to them now," Ross agreed. Joey nodded silently.

"We can't treat them differently, though," Rachel said. "That's not what they want. We have to act like everything's all right,"

"But everything isn't all right," Phoebe protested, her voice cracking slightly.

"I know," Rachel said, seeming to be giving up as she put her head in her hands.

"Hey, hey, come on," Joey said. "We're gonna get through this. We have to,"

* * *

"Okay, so I'm going to go get you some clothes to wear," Chandler said cautiously, his voice remaining soft. Monica nodded from her position of sitting on the toilet, her towel wrapped tightly around her body, tears still streaming down her face. "Okay," he said again.

"Wait…Chandler?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah?" he questioned, turning to look at her.

"Can I wear your clothes again?"

He nodded. "Of course,"

"Okay," she whispered.

He went over and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Okay,"

* * *

Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Joey looked up from their conversation when Chandler came back out of the bathroom. "I'm getting Monica some clothes," he explained, noting their questioning looks.

"Look, man, I'm sorry about-," Joey began.

Chandler cut him off. "No, no, _I'm _sorry. I shouldn't have just jumped to conclusions like that,"

Joey offered a small smile. "So we're okay?"

Chandler nodded. "Definitely," he then disappeared into his room. As he was searching in his dresser for something Monica could wear, he thought about Monica's thing for his clothes. Even when they were secretly dating, she would sleep in his clothes and borrow them, wearing them when no one else was home. Not that he minded. He loved when she gave them back and they smelled like her. He loved watching her sleep in his clothes. Most of all, he loved that she seemed more comfortable in his clothes than her own.

* * *

As Chandler helped her get dressed, Monica realized how comfortable she was with him seeing her unclothed. She knew that she would have pushed anyone else away, but Chandler was so gentle with her; so concerned about her.

"Mon," Chandler's gentle voice lifted her thoughts. "If you don't mind me asking…why did you- why?" he asked, softly caressing her scarred face.

She gulped. "I looked in the mirror," It took him a moment to process this information, so she went on. "I couldn't believe it was _me_, Chandler," she whispered.

"Oh, Mon, I-," Chandler stuttered, trying to think of something to make her feel better.

"No, it's okay," she said, her voice still a whisper. "You don't have to say anything,"

"I love you," he offered. "And you should know, it doesn't matter what you look like. Baby, you'll always be beautiful to me," Her face began to crumple. "I mean that," He wrapped his arms tightly around her. "You _are_ beautiful, Mon. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise,"

For a few moments, the only sound that could be heard was Monica's soft sobbing. Slowly, she lifted her head up and looked him in the eye. "I love you,"

He smiled and brushed some hair out of her face. "I love you too. You know I do,"

* * *

The four friends looked up again when Monica and Chandler came out of the bathroom. Monica grasped Chandler's hand tightly. "Oh," she said. "I didn't know you guys were gonna be here,"

"Oh, do you want us to-," Phoebe began.

"No, no, it's okay. Really," she said, going over to the refrigerator and getting a bottled water for herself. "Anyone want anything?" They all stared at her. "What?" she asked, her confidence gone.

"N-nothing," Ross said, speaking for all of them.

"Look, Mon…," Rachel began. "I just want to apologize for what happened at breakfast. I was being insensitive,"

Monica shook her head. "It's fine,"

"You sure?" Rachel looked at her skeptically. Monica nodded. Joey turned to look at her.

"And Monica, I'm sorry for-,"

"I'm not mad at any of you guys, okay?" Monica said, cutting him off.

The four of them nodded, and after a few minutes of awkward silence, they decided to leave.

Monica turned to Chandler. "I'm gonna lie down for awhile,"

He nodded. "Okay. I'll be right here if you need anything,"

"I know," she whispered, giving him a quick kiss before retreating to his bedroom.

* * *

"God, I hate this. It's like we can't even talk to them anymore!" Phoebe exclaimed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know," Rachel agreed, tracing the pattern on Ross's couch with her finger.

"Th-things _will_ get back to normal, right?" Joey asked. "Right?"

"I hope so," Ross said quietly.

"There's got to be something we can do," Rachel protested.

"Look, I think the best thing we can do right now is just let her adjust on her own time and try not to treat them any differently," Ross stated.

"But-,"

"Look, Rach, I don't like it any more than you do,"

"We're their best friends," Rachel said tearfully. "And they won't even _talk_ to us,"

"I know," Ross said, going over to her and hugging her. "I know,"

"They're going to come around," Joey said, trying to do his part to make Rachel feel better. "I mean, it's _Monica_,"

"She won't let something like this bring her down," Phoebe said, hoping she was helping.

Rachel just nodded, hoping that they were right. She didn't know what she'd do if her best friend didn't come back soon.

* * *

**So yeah, I realize this was kind of short, and I know that it's been abit boring the last couple chapters, but I assure you, it will get better! Er, at least I hope so.****  
**

**_...Please Review..._**


	13. thirteen

So I changed the rating of this fic to T, because I realized it was really not a K+ story, so...just because I know you all were wondering! (Actually you probably didn't even notice...whatever.)

Oh, and thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! I love you all!

So anyway, here's chapter thirteen...hope you like it!

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen**

A week had passed. Monica seemed to be getting better; as the nightmares were ceasing, and she was getting more and more comfortable being around her friends with each day that went by. They all did their best to help her, but it was pretty clear that this issue was one that she had to figure out by herself.

She was left alone as little as possible; that was how she preferred it. She wasn't going into work anymore, and had gone out in public only a few times; she avoided that as much as she could. She refused to talk about her attack; when she did make conversation, it was mainly small talk. The only person she actually wanted to talk to was Chandler; it seemed that he was the only one she could trust. She was getting better and better at masking her feelings; returning back to her old self in the sense that she let her friends hang out with her even when she would rather be alone. Chandler was the only one she could be truly honest with.

She was living with Chandler in apartment 20 now, and was slowly adjusting back to her old life; although she knew that she would never truly get back to normal, she did her best.

Chandler was working approximately five or six hours a day, and spent all his remaining time with Monica; sometimes only watching television with her or sitting in the next room while she was sleeping, but just knowing he was there made her feel safe because she knew that Chandler would never let anything happen to her.

Monica had been to the therapist twice now, and each time she had come home mentally drained. In the past, she had never been comfortable sharing her feelings and it only seemed to be getting worse as time went by. Chandler had gone with her both times, but when they were there she would seem to forget that he was with her. She wouldn't look at him or talk to him; she simply stared at her hands and spoke only when it was necessary.

It was like she was ashamed. Like she didn't want to talk about what happened because she thought it was her fault; and as much as Chandler tried to convince her that there was nothing she could have done, she still felt otherwise.

She would always sleep after these appointments, and when she woke up, it was like the previous two hours had never happened. Chandler of course was utterly confused by this, but he never said anything about it. He didn't want to upset her in any way.

There was still an obvious tension between Ross and Chandler. Although they tried to hide it, they were unsuccessful at doing so. Of course, it was perfectly normal for Ross to be protective of his little sister, especially at a time like this, but everyone thought he was overdoing it. Things were especially bad when he would visit Monica when Chandler wasn't there. He would ask her questions about their relationship and make sure she knew that if Chandler were ever to cause her any pain, he would hurt him. This would just make her cry, because all she really wanted was for them to get along. This was usually around the time that Chandler would come home from work, and all hell would break loose.

Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey never knew _what_ to think when it came to those two. They, like Monica, just wanted them to get along; they felt for Chandler, but they couldn't ignore the fact that they secretly sided with Ross. They felt exactly the same way that he did; they just never acted on it. But they felt sorry for both Monica and Chandler, and they _did_ "approve" of their relationship more than Ross did. They could tell that the two were crazy about each other, and they were surprised that Chandler, who had always been so afraid of commitment before, had stuck around after all this time.

Monica still had issues being alone with Joey or Ross; even though they were her best friend and her brother, she was still really uncomfortable around them. She was nervous around Rachel and Phoebe too, but she found herself slowly beginning to be able to trust them again.

------

Chandler walked with his arm protectively around Monica as they ascended up the stairs back to their apartment. They were returning from Monica's third therapy session; the most intense yet.

They entered the apartment, and Monica made her way down the usual route to the bedroom, but she paused before entering, and stared out the window. Chandler watched as she sat down on the window seat and looked at the rain that was hitting the window repeatedly.

After a few minutes, she turned her gaze to Chandler, who was standing in the middle of the kitchen, still looking at her closely. Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, "They came out of nowhere,"

Chandler softened and quickly walked over, sat across from her, and wrapped her in a tight hug, kissing her softly on the forehead. He had heard this at the therapy session earlier, but the fact that she wanted _him_ to know what had happened meant the world to him. "I know," he said quietly, bringing one of her hands up to his lips and kissing it. "I know,"

------

Monica awoke sometime later. The rain had stopped and sunlight was streaming through the windows, the latter was probably what had woken her up. She blinked a few times and groaned when the sun got in her eyes. She felt Chandler's arms tighten around her and she looked up to see his blue eyes piercing hers.

"Hey beautiful," he greeted her with a smile.

"Hey," she lifted her head and kissed him softly. "Love you," she said when they parted.

"I love you too," he said softly, loosening his grip on her. "I have to go to the bathroom," he said, smiling apologetically.

"Okay," she whispered, and let him get up.

When Chandler returned from the bathroom a few minutes later, he was surprised to see Monica cleaning. He had assumed that she had given that up; he had cleaned the apartment the last couple of days. Still, he was happy to see her doing something that she would consider to be "normal".

"Hey you," he said quietly. Monica turned around, holding cleaning products in each hand.

"How many times do I have to tell you, the blue one is for the sink and the green one is for the counter?" Her voice was weak, and her hands were trembling as she held up the two bottles of cleanser, but her eyes were shining, and Chandler realized that for the first time in quite awhile, she seemed to have faith in herself.

------

The next day, Chandler sat at his desk, thinking about Monica. Almost every day he did this; letting his mind wander at work was not unusual for him. Even before the incident, he would think about her all the time.

Then the phone rang and it was Monica. "Chandler," she said, her voice strangely low.

"Monica?"

"Chandler, come home," she said, her voice no more than a whisper. "Please come home, I'm scared,"

"Mon, what's happened? What's wrong?" he asked, already packing up his computer.

"Please," she whispered and he could tell she was crying.

"I-I'm coming, Honey. I'll be right there," he said, hanging up the phone and running out of the room.

* * *

I kinda already know what I'm going to do...but I'm curious to know what you think is going to happen!

I'm sorry if Ross seemed like, really mean, but I hope you understand thatbeing super protective isjust how he's reacting to all that's going on...

**_...Please Review..._**


	14. fourteen

**Hey guys! Thank you for the reviews!**

**So I was up half the night writing this. Really, I was. I don't know what it was, but I just had inspiration, y'know? Well, yeah. Sorry for the delay in updating this story.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own 'em. But really, did you expect me to?

* * *

**

**Chapter Fourteen**

It seemed to take him forever to get home. At first, he was stopped by his boss on the way out and had to explain why he needed to leave so abruptly. Then he had the hardest time hailing a cab. He had just decided to walk the twenty or so blocks when one showed up. Then there was the hindrance of heavy traffic.

But finally, he was there. He leaped out of the cab after unknowingly giving the driver a huge tip, and ran up the stairs as fast as his legs would take him. He burst into the apartment to see Monica standing in the middle of the room; tears pouring down her face. When she saw him, she ran over to him and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Honey, what is it?" he asked, stroking her hair. "What happened?"

She lifted her head up to look at him and he saw fear in her eyes. She was completely terrified, a state that he had hoped to never see her at again. "I'm late," she whispered.

He looked at her, confused. He didn't understand.

"My period is late, Chandler. I-I think I'm pregnant," her voice was little more than a whisper, and it shook when she spoke.

He realized what her words meant and held her tightly to him once again. "Shh…" he tried to calm her. "Don't cry, Mon, we'll figure this out," she just nodded. He paused. "Did you…did you take a test?"

"No," she whispered. "I…couldn't,"

"Okay…" he tried to be as understandable as possible. "Well, you probably should, don't you think?" she nodded. "Do you have any?" she shook her head. "Do you want me to go get one?" she shook her head again. "Mon?" he inquired, he was worried that she wasn't talking.

"Don't leave me alone, okay?" she asked shakily, still clinging to him.

"Okay, okay, of course I won't," he reassured her. "Hey, I think Joey might still have some from when he was going out with that one girl…" Monica nodded and they left the apartment together; their hands tightly intertwined.

They found Joey in his barcalounger, watching what appeared to be Baywatch, totally oblivious to the rest of the world. Chandler was so full of emotions and he felt like he needed answers right away, at least for Monica's sake, so he just turned the television off; he knew that Joey wouldn't pay attention otherwise.

"Dude, what the hell?" he asked angrily, but his expression faded when he saw the scared looks on both their faces. "What's going on?"

"Do you still have those pregnancy tests from when you were dating that girl?" Chandler asked, an urgent plea in his voice.

"You mean Katie? …no, it was Sarah. Andrea? No, wait-,"

"Joe, do you have them or not?"

"Yeah, they're in the bathroom…why?" he asked, but didn't receive an answer. After Monica went into the bathroom, Chandler sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. "Dude, what's going on?" he inquired. Then he put two and two together. "Wait, is Monica-,"

"I don't know, okay?" Chandler said, cutting him off.

"But-,"

"Joe, please," his voice was almost begging and it frightened Joey.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," he said quietly. Chandler just nodded, silently telling Joey that he wasn't mad, and then they sat in silence. Monica returned a few minutes later, and both Chandler and Joey looked at her questioningly.

"We have to wait ten minutes," she whispered before collapsing in Chandler's lap.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he said. "Okay. Are you all right?"

"Yeah…," she said quietly. "Just…scared,"

"I know," Chandler whispered, kissing her hair softly. "Me too,"

------

The next ten minutes seemed to be the longest any of them had ever experienced. Joey had turned the television back on, trying to make them more at ease, but no one was even remotely paying attention. Joey kept glancing over at Monica, who was still sitting in Chandler's lap and seemed to be holding onto him for dear life, as if she'd die if she let go. Chandler kept reaching up and brushing tears from her eyes. He kissed her hair over and over again; it seemed to calm him. Joey could never look at them for more than a few minutes. Just the expression on her face made him want to go out and personally kill the creep who had put her through so much pain. She didn't deserve this. Not for a second had she ever deserved this. He couldn't stand seeing her so sad; so vulnerable.

Chandler was almost as bad. He didn't have the physical scars, but when you looked in his eyes, you just _knew_. You could just see the pain he had inside. He didn't make jokes anymore; he didn't laugh. All that was left was grief.

_At least they have each other._ Joey thought. _At least they will **always** have each other._

And they would, too.

------

Meanwhile, Chandler was realizing something. The attack had only been a little more than two weeks ago. If she _was_ pregnant, it couldn't be from the attacker…could it? She couldn't get pregnant that soon.

…could she?

But as he watched her, he realized that she was in no position to have a baby, no matter who the father was. She was still so emotionally scarred, so fragile, and he knew she wouldn't be able to handle it.

But then he reminded himself that Monica had wanted a baby practically all her life. Who was he to deny her her dream?

Hopefully she at least knew that he would be with her no matter what happened. He remembered back to that day in the hospital, when he had promised never to leave her. He had meant it; nothing could take him away from her. Even if this _was_ the creep's child, and she decided to keep it, he would stay with her.

Sure, it would be hard to raise a child that wasn't his; a child that was the result of the worst night of Monica's life; which meant it was also the worst night of _his_ life.

God, he wasn't even going to be able to look at this kid, was he?

He was getting ahead of himself. Softly, he kissed Monica's hair a few times to calm himself down.

It would be hard. But he would do it.

He would do anything for her.

------

As for Monica, her thoughts were all a blur. Just knowing that part of this creep, this _monster_ could still be with her mad her want to scream in agony.

She wanted him dead. She wanted him to stop haunting her; to stop appearing in her dreams at night. She just wanted him to leave her alone.

But he never would.

Why was she here anyway? What good was she to anyone? For a second, she believed that no one loved her. They didn't need her; she just got in the way. No one would care if she left one day and never came back. No one would even notice she was gone.

She had never, ever felt so alone.

A tear trickled down her cheek.

A hand reached out to brush it away.

It wasn't her hand.

She looked up and her eyes met with Chandler's. She could hardly see through her blurred vision, but she knew he was crying, too.

All of her doubts vanished in that moment. Seeing someone cry for you can do that sometimes.

------

"It's been ten minutes," Joey said a short while later, his voice barely more than a whisper. Monica nodded and, taking a shaky breath, stood up. She made eye contact with Chandler, and he gave her an encouraging smile. Trembling, she went into the bathroom.

* * *

**CLIFFHANGER! I love doing those! lol, sorry guys, they're just so fun!**

**I actually started crying when I was writing this. It was probably more the fact that it was 1am than the fact that this is sad, but hey.**

**You shouldn't have to wait so long for me to update this time; I've already started writing chapter 15, and should have it up in the next couple of days.**

…_**.Please Review…**_


	15. fifteen

Ok, so it's 11 at night here, but I've been working on this for the past 2 hours and just had to post it! This just shows how much I love you guys, lol. 

Thanks for all of your reviews, please keep them coming:) 

Oh, yeah, I don't own them. 

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Chapter Fifteen

It hadn't even been ten seconds before Monica came back. "I can't look," she whispered. "I can't, I just can't,"

"You want me to look, Mon?" Joey asked softly. Chandler just looked at him; for some reason he was surprised that his best friend was so sensitive.

"Yes," Monica whispered. "Please," Joey turned to Chandler, seeming to be seeking his approval. Chandler just nodded, while at the same time, thanking God that Joey was his best friend. Joey nodded back and went into the bathroom.

"If it's _his_, I'm getting rid of it, I swear I am," she whispered, still shaking uncontrollably.

"You don't have to decide anything right now, okay?" Chandler reassured her. He was about to say something else, but Joey came back into the room at that moment. They looked at him expectantly.

"It's negative, Mon," he said quietly. "Is that a good thing?"

"Negative," she repeated. "A-are you sure?" Joey showed her the test. "Negative," she whispered, and then she turned to Chandler, who was still a few feet away from her. "Negative," she shivered involuntarily, and he quickly went over to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her and rocking her back and forth. "Negative, negative, negative," she said with a whimper; her face buried in his chest.

Joey looked scared. "Is this good or bad?" Chandler didn't answer; he didn't know himself. He had thought that she would be relieved and he couldn't understand why she was sobbing uncontrollably into his chest. She didn't seem to be relieved. Gently, he lifted her chin up and searched her eyes for an answer. But he didn't find one.

Monica returned her head back to its previous position; letting Chandler stroke her hair gently as he rocked her back and forth while she continued crying. Joey just stood there, still looking scared.

It was then that Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross decided to show up. They walked into the apartment without knocking, as was to be expected of them, and all three of them stopped short when they saw the scene in front of them.

Rachel and Phoebe were both speechless; they had never seen Monica like _this_ before. "What's going on?" Ross asked; wringing his hands nervously as he spoke. Only then did Chandler and Joey realize that they were there. Monica, on the other hand, seemed to have taken no notice of their presence.

Rachel, who had found her voice, noticed the object that was still in Joey's hand. "Is-is that a pregnancy test?" she whispered.

"Yeah," Joey responded, looking down at it again and realizing that his hands were shaking.

"You pregnant, Joe?" Phoebe asked softly.

"No, no, Monica is. I mean…I mean she's _not_. I mean-," Joey stammered, and Monica began to cry harder, if that was at all possible. Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross's mouths all seemed to drop open simultaneously.

"She is or she isn't?" Ross asked quietly.

"She's not, but-," Joey began.

"We're gonna go," Chandler said, gently picking Monica up as he spoke. She was still crying and still had her face hidden. He didn't think she could take much more of this.

"Wait, but-," Rachel whispered.

"Later," Chandler said, his voice trembling. The room was silent as the four watched Chandler and Monica leave, but as soon as they were gone, everyone started talking at once.

"Joey, what the hell-?" Ross exclaimed.

"I don't know!"

"Did she _want _it to be positive?" Rachel whispered.

------

"Monica, talk to me," Chandler pleaded; she had been pacing around the kitchen table for ten minutes now and had refused to say anything. She shook her head vehemently and he sighed; sitting down at the table and placing his head in his hands. It took her a minute to realize that he was crying.

She had only been thinking of herself. All this time, she hadn't realized how much Chandler had been hurting. And he had been hurting; she could just see by looking at him.

He looked up and saw her backing slowly away. She was scared, he realized. She was scared of him. "Mon," he whispered. "Mon, I'm so-,"

"Don't be mad at me, Chandler," she whispered.

"What? Honey, I'm not-,"

"You're the only one I have left," she whimpered; her eyes filling with tears.

"Shh, Mon, it's okay," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her again.

"I'm so screwed up," she whispered. "Why am I so screwed up?"

"Honey, you're not screwed up," Chandler tried to reassure her.

She backed up slightly. There was a strange look on her face. "Don't lie to me, okay?"

"Mon-,"

"I didn't want it," she whispered; fresh tears making their way down her face. "I saw it was negative and I was happy. I was relieved. I'm a horrible, horrible person," he understood now. She was feeling guilty; that's what this was.

"You're not horrible," he began softly. Monica looked at him. "I'm telling the truth, babe. You're not horrible, not at all. You're wonderful okay? You're wonderful, you're beautiful, you're amazing. I love you, honey. Those guys that did this to you…baby, that's horrible," Both of them were crying now. He wrapped his arms around her again, and they swayed back and forth, almost as if they were dancing, except that there wasn't any music. "You're the strongest person I know," he whispered. She shook his head, which was nestled in the crook of his neck, and he nodded again.

"I'm only here for you," she whispered.

"What?" he asked; knowing fully well what she had said. She couldn't be saying this; surely there was something else worth living for; she couldn't be only living because of him. He was scared to think that she was even _thinking_ about this, because he couldn't live without her, he knew he couldn't; his life held no meaning if she wasn't in it.

She lifted her head to look him in the eye. "I'm only here for you,"

"No," he protested. She just nodded. "Don't think like that," she nodded again. "I can't live without you," he murmured, holding her tighter, "Mon, promise me you won't-," he wiped his eyes, but it hardly helped. "I need you," he said desperately.

She shook her head. "As long as you're here, I won't," she breathed. "I need you too,"

------

"Chandler, please, you have to talk to us," Rachel pleaded softly; Monica was asleep in the next room.

Chandler told her the same thing he had said three times now, to Ross, Phoebe, and Joey when they had all come in. "Not now, okay?"

"Please," Rachel whispered. "We're freaking out over there. Please…talk to us,"

He shook his head. "She's so scared, Rach,"

Rachel sighed; at least she was getting him to open up about something. "I know," she whispered; placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She's so lost, so…helpless," he continued. "And I don't think it's getting any better. Earlier she was talking about-," he quickly stopped, realizing he had said too much.

"About what?" Rachel prodded gently.

"Nothing,"

"Chandler-,"

"No, Rach. No," he whispered.

"Please-,"

"No!"

"Look, just-,"

"Suicide, Rachel," he whispered. "She was talking about killing herself, okay?" Rachel gasped, but he barely noticed. "And it was just destroying me, y'know? Because I can't, I _won't_ live without her. She is absolutely _everything_ to me; I can't even think of what would happen if she-,"

"She won't, Chandler. She was just talking about it; she didn't _mean_ it-,"

"How can you know that for sure?"

"Because…it's Monica!" she shrieked. "I know her-,"

"And I don't?" Chandler cut in.

Rachel continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "She's not stupid enough to-to-," she found she couldn't continue, because as much as she knew that the old Monica wouldn't do something like this, she didn't know for sure about the new one.

"Rach, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry," Chandler began awkwardly; it was hard to tell someone not to cry when you couldn't stop crying yourself.

"I miss her," Rachel whispered. "I miss the way she used to be,"

"I do too," he said quietly. "That spark she used to have in her eyes is gone, Rach, it's gone. And I don't think it's coming back,"

Rachel just nodded. "I'll leave you two alone,"

"Wh-?" Chandler began; then turned around to see Monica standing behind him. If he could describe how she looked in that moment in one word, it would be empty. She didn't seem to even really be there anymore. She wasn't crying either, and that's what scared him. She stood there; her face pale; her hair tucked messily behind her eyes, and seeing her in her loose-fitting t-shirt, he couldn't help but realize how much weight she had lost.

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered. "Never did I want you to be hurting,"

"Oh, but honey, you didn't-,"

"Yes, yes I did!" she shrieked; her voice strangely high-pitched. "You're hurting, and it's my fault!"

"Monica," Chandler said sternly. "You have done nothing wrong, okay? _Nothing_,"

She said nothing; only began to shake uncontrollably. "It's…my…fault," she whispered; she seemed to be having trouble getting the words out.

"No, it's-," Chandler didn't continue; only watched in horror as she slid to the ground, unconscious.

And then he screamed.

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**ANOTHER cliffhanger! hehe, really, do you guys hate me now?**

**Please review, it would really help a ton.**


	16. sixteen

**Hello all. I'm back with Chapter 16! I had some controversy with this chapter…I was going to do something…but then I got the idea for something else, and…well, it's complicated, and I didn't want to actually write anything until I was absolutely sure about what I was going to do, so that's why it's taken awhile…not as long as _Broken_, though…wow I really need to update that too…sorry to all you guys that are waiting! I pretty much know what I want to happen in Chapter 4, but I haven't gotten around to writing it yet, so sorry!**

**And I got braces the day before yesterday, so if some of this doesn't make any sense, it's probably because of all the Tylenol and crap I've taken. Consider yourself warned.**

**I'm also on a Rascal Flatts high at the moment, so if part of one (or more than one) of their songs show up in this chapter, I'm sorry. It's unintentional, I swear.**

**Alright, time for me to stop rambling and for you to start reading! Oh, and thank you for your wonderful reviews. It's good to know you don't hate me, lol. I love you guys!

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**

Phoebe ran into the waiting room and was forced to stop and catch her breath. She saw Rachel, Ross, and Joey seated in the hard, plastic chairs and got an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. She was reminded of the long periods of time that they had spent here not even three weeks ago. "Wh-what happened?" she asked breathlessly, massaging a stitch in her stomach as she spoke.

As Joey and Rachel told the story, Phoebe couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. _Stupid, stupid. You should have been there. Why do you have to live so far away?_

Sure, Rachel lived with her, and therefore, lived the same distance away, but she had been over at Joey's at the time. Ross hadn't been there, but he lived right across the street, and could have come to Monica's aid in less than five minutes.

She looked at Ross while thinking this. He seemed to be in a reverie; neither here nor there. She couldn't blame him, Monica was his sister after all, and this was the second time in less than a month that something serious had happened to her. They were all worried about her; no one could deny that.

Phoebe glanced towards the closed door, knowing that beyond it, Monica still lay unconscious, and she couldn't help but wish that, once again, things could go back to normal.

------

_Twenty minutes earlier_

His first thought was that she was dead. That she had left him for good, and wasn't ever coming back. He was so scared that he didn't even notice Rachel and Joey run in; he didn't hear their cries of anguish, or their pleas to make him tell them what had happened. He thought that he had lost her.

But then he realized she was breathing. As everything came back into focus, he realized that he was still sitting on the floor, holding her limp form, and Rachel and Joey were trying to take her from him.

"Don't touch her!" he exclaimed, and they withdrew their hands in surprise. Ross burst in at that moment, apparently he had seen what had happened from the window, and for once, they were glad that he lived across the street and could see into the apartment from his window. He too wanted to know what had happened, what had made her collapse, but Chandler still was giving no answers; he didn't even really know himself. He seemed to have cut them off again; he was cradling her in his arms and talking to her, pleading with her to wake up. He knew he shouldn't have expected an answer, but damn did he want one.

"Is she breathing?" Ross asked, his voice little more than a whisper. Joey shrugged, and Rachel tried to get Chandler's attention.

"Chandler?" she asked cautiously. He didn't respond, but she thought he had heard her. "Chandler, is she breathing?"

Again, he didn't answer. Ross crouched down to see her closer, and to everyone's surprise, including Chandler's, Chandler didn't snap at him or ask him to back away.

"She's breathing," Ross concluded after a moment; standing up. "But just barely,"

"What happened?" Joey pleaded once more, but no one answered. Rachel picked up the phone to call an ambulance; she knew that if Monica hadn't woken up right away, it must be something serious.

A few minutes later, the paramedics came in and, ignoring Chandler's protests, took Monica with them to the hospital. The remaining four silently made their way down the few flights of stairs to get a cab and get there as soon as they could.

Once at the hospital, Rachel, Ross, and Joey grudgingly sat down in the hard plastic hospital chairs, somehow knowing that they were going to be there awhile. Chandler on the other hand, couldn't sit still, and instead took to pacing around the room. He again wished he knew what had happened; she had seemed fine earlier in the day.

Okay, she hadn't been fine earlier. She hadn't been fine for a long time, actually. But she had seemed okay physically. Then again, they had both been so worried about her being pregnant, and then he had been worrying about how she had admitted that she had been thinking about suicide that he hadn't really noticed. If she had been feeling sick, she would have told him, right?

His breath caught in his throat as he realized what she must have done. After she had reassured him that she wouldn't try to kill herself as long as he was there, she went to the bathroom, and then went to bed. She was so weak already. All she would have to do would be to swallow a few pills and…

_She didn't, though._ He tried to tell himself. _She promised. She promised she wouldn't._

"Chandler," Rachel whispered as she came back from using the payphones; she had been trying to contact Phoebe but had been unable to, and assumed she was probably still at work. "Please…what happened?" Chandler gave in; he knew he could tell Rachel, as she had already known about his thoughts on the matter anyway.

He glanced around and after making sure Ross and Joey weren't paying attention, said in a low voice, "I-I think she tried to kill herself, Rach,"

Rachel gasped and immediately brought a hand to her mouth. But before she could say anything, he continued. "But she _promised_ me, Rachel. She promised she wouldn't. I just don't understand, if she-,"

Rachel still said nothing, but hugged him fiercely. "She's going to be okay, Chandler. I just know it,"

Before Chandler could respond with something such as _how do you know she'll be okay? _which, admittedly, was what he had been thinking, a nurse walked up to them.

"We've done some tests," she said quietly.

There was a pause. "…yes?" Rachel asked; Chandler was too nervous to speak.

"She has a temperature of 104…we'll need to keep her here overnight, to make sure everything's okay; she's asleep now," the nurse didn't notice the looks on both of their faces or their sighs of relief and continued talking. "Nasty bug going around…," she muttered to herself.

Chandler practically collapsed on the chair behind him. It was just a fever…he couldn't believe he had thought she had gone back on her word. He fought back tears and got up, heading for Monica's room, even though he knew she was still asleep. He needed to see for himself that she was okay.

"Chandler?" Rachel whispered as he proceeded towards her room.

"Don't tell them about…," he warned; the last thing he wanted to do was to worry any of them.

Rachel shook her head. "I won't, don't worry," He nodded; a silent word of thanks and entered her room.

Rachel sighed again; she, like Chandler, couldn't believe that she, even if it was just for a second, thought Monica had tried to end her life like that. She walked back over to Joey and Ross, who were still staring off into space and by the looks of it, hadn't noticed the nurse talking to her and Chandler. Rachel sat down next to them; that seemed to get their attention. "I talked to a nurse," she said softly. They immediately jerked back into reality.

"Is she okay? Did they say what it was?" Ross exclaimed.

"Yeah…it's just a fever…she's gonna be fine, they want to keep her overnight, though,"

"Thank god," Joey muttered, and Ross too, managed a small smile. Rachel could tell that he was still scared to death of what could've happened to his baby sister, and she didn't blame him. It was then that Phoebe came in.

------

Just seeing her appearing to be lifeless body brought tears to Chandler's eyes. He was so stupid. How could he think that she would try to kill herself? She had promised, and he didn't believe her. He sat down next to her bed and gently took her hand. "I love you, Mon, and I'm so sorry," he whispered before kissing her forehead. That was enough to wake her.

"Hey…," she whispered; her voice barely audible.

"Hi, sweetie,"

"What happened?" she asked slowly.

"I don't know, Mon," he said honestly. "One minute, we're arguing, and the next, you're…unconscious," he whispered.

"We were fighting?" she looked scared.

"Yeah, but…nothing serious, honey,"

"Okay," she whispered weakly.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like shit," she whispered, closing her eyes again.

He smiled and kissed her forehead again. "You can sleep, sweetie. I'll be right here,"

"I know," she said quietly, and her complete trust in him made Chandler want to beat himself up more. How could he have not believed her?

"What's wrong?" she whispered, her eyes still closed. She had felt Chandler's hand tense up around her own.

"Nothing, just…," Should he tell her?

"What?" she whispered.

"You just scared the hell outta me, Mon," he said gently.

"I know," she said softly. "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay," he said. "Just don't ever do it again,"

------

"Rach? You okay?" Phoebe asked, and Rachel swore under her breath, hating that Phoebe always knew when something was bothering her.

"Yeah, I'm fine…," she mumbled half-heartedly, but she knew Phoebe didn't believe her.

"Rachel?"

She gave in. "Fine, fine. Can we talk over there?" Rachel pointed to a deserted corner of the waiting room, and Phoebe nodded and followed her over there.

"What is it?" Phoebe asked; she could tell something was seriously bothering Rachel.

"I just…,"

"What?"

"You have to promise not to tell anyone. Especially Ross. Or Chandler. Or Monica. Or…just don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay, okay. What?"

"I…Chandler thought Monica collapsed because…because he thought she tried to kill herself,"

"What?" Phoebe whispered, she was shocked.

"Yeah…she was telling him earlier today that she was only here for him…and he made her promise that she wouldn't ever do it…and then she collapsed, and…and-," Rachel paused to wipe her eyes. "And now he's so guilty; you can just tell, and I-,"

"You thought she had too?" Phoebe prodded gently.

"Well…yeah," Rachel admitted.

"She's not going to though, right?" Phoebe asked quickly. "I mean, she promised Chandler…she's not going to break her promise, right?"

"No, no, she won't," Rachel assured her.

"How do you know that?" she asked; inadvertently starting to cry.

"Because," Rachel said quietly, looking towards Monica's room, where both she and Chandler were. "Because he won't let her,"

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**Ha! No cliffhanger, thank you very much. I know you guys are all happy to see that! lol.**

**Is this story getting old to you guys? Because I know it's a lot of chapters, and if it's getting boring, please just tell me.**

**Updates on _Broken_ soon! Promise!**

**Please Review**


	17. seventeen

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, but I've been really busy lately. I originally wasn't going to update today, but I caught a cold the other day so now I don't have to go to my brother's soccer game (which is a good thing, they're really boring) but I do have to go to mine later today! Which I'm really mad about 'cause it's really hot outside and I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and…yeah. Alright so whoever is still reading this is probably snoring away so I'll just leave it at that and get to the story:) Luv y'all! Thanks so much for your reviews!

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The first thing she did after she woke up was check the clock on her bedside table. The glowing green numbers told her that she had slept for almost three hours. They seemed to be yelling at her, telling her that she needed to stop sleeping all day. She knew it, too. She needed to do something with her life. She was tired of the same old thing all the time.

Sighing, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, stretching her limbs a little before walking out of the bedroom. She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted to the light, and took a step back when she saw that the person sitting on the couch watching television wasn't Chandler.

"Pheebs…?" she asked in a whisper.

"Oh, hey Mon," Phoebe said enthusiastically.

"W-where's Chandler?"

"Oh, y'know, he had to go to work for a bit, but…," Phoebe paused to check her watch. "He should be back soon,"

"Oh…," Monica said, as she walked past her.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, I'm just…going to the bathroom,"

"Oh, yeah, okay, sure,"

------

When she came back into the living room a few minutes later, Phoebe's expression had changed from happy to nervous. Monica gave her a questioning look, and she said quietly,"Mon, I know how you feel,"

"Wh-what?" Monica asked, confused, thinking that she had heard Phoebe wrong, as she didn't think anyone could really understand.

"Yeah, I mean…," Phoebe began shakily. "I mean, y'know, I've lived on the streets and…and…,"

"Pheebs?" Monica whispered. "You don't mean…,"

Phoebe just nodded. "I was fifteen,"

"Oh my god, Phoebe…,"

"No, no, it's okay. It's okay, it was a long time ago," she said, trying to sound confident, but her voice was merely a whisper. "I just…Mon, you can't let this ruin your life. I mean, I know that you feel totally paranoid all the time, and you feel like you can't trust anyone, but you have to realize that not everyone is bad, okay? I mean, take Gunther for example,"

"G-Gunther?"

"Yeah, like…we just told him that you were sick; we didn't tell him what happened, but Mon, _everyday_, he asks if you're feeling better and if you're coming back any time soon,"

"He probably just misses the fifty bucks a week I spend on coffee," Monica said with a small chuckle, but she understood what Phoebe was trying to tell her.

Phoebe smiled too, but her expression was still serious. "See? I mean, not everyone wants to hurt you, y'know?"

Monica nodded. "I think I knew that already, I just…get scared,"

"Yeah…," Phoebe looked away, and Monica realized that she probably hadn't told anyone about this; that she had kept this to herself for almost fifteen years. She hoped that Phoebe knew how much she appreciated her telling her this.

"Thanks," she whispered with tears in her eyes.

"No problem…," Phoebe looked up and saw that Monica was crying. "Hey, come here," she said and hugged her. A few seconds later however, her cell phone rang. "Damn it," Phoebe said, going over to her purse and digging in it for her phone.

"Hello?" she said when she finally found it. "Oh, hi…no, your massage isn't until four! Okay, see you then," She shook her head as she put her phone back in her purse.

"Uh, Pheebs?" Monica asked.

"Yeah?"

"It's 4:09," she pointed at the clock.

"Oh my god, are you serious?" Phoebe turned so that she was facing the clock. "Yeah, you're right!" she went to put her coat on, and said, "Ross is at work, but I think Rachel and Joey are around,"

It took Monica a second to realize what she was saying. "No, I can stay here alone,"

Phoebelooked somewhat surprised, but a smile was on her face. "You sure?"

Monica nodded nervously. "Yeah,"

Phoebe paused. "Hug again?"

Monica smiled. "Yeah,"

------

About ten minutes later, Chandler came home, and was surprised to see Monica sitting alone in the living room. She didn't have the television on or anything, she was just sitting there in silence, and she looked petrified. But when she saw Chandler, she smiled and jumped up to hug him. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey…wasn't Phoebe here?" he asked.

"Yeah…she left about ten minutes ago…,"

"What? Why?"

"She had to give someone a massage! Why, you wanna pay her?"

"What?"

"I don't need a babysitter!" Monica exclaimed.

Chandler softened. "Honey, I never said-,"

"I'm not a little kid! It's okay for me to be alone!"

"I know…I just thought you didn't want to be," Chandler said, hugging her again, to which she didn't object.

"I didn't, but now…,"

"What?"

"I think…I think I'm starting to be okay with it," she mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile.

She looked up and kissed his lips before whispering, "Yeah,"

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**Sorta short, I know! But hope you liked it! I'll try to get more up soon! Please review.**


	18. Eighteen

A/N: I'M BAACCCK!! In the words of Ross, "AWOOHOO!!" ….All right, I will give everyone 30 seconds to pick themselves up off of the floor…….ready now? OK, so you guys never thought this day would come, and neither did I. After 17 chapters, I was sooooo done with this story! (What can I say, I have a short attention span!) But I was actually reading over it a few days ago, and I realized _why_ you guys have been sending me the emails saying "I'll _die_ if you don't update"…"you _can't_ just leave it like that"….yada yada yada. I totally agree with you guys! Thank you! So I'm not even sure if anyone is still interested in reading this story, but here it is (I'll feel better, if nothing else, that it's finished)….._drum roll_ ...The FINAL Chapter.

Enjoy. Reviews are awesome but I understand if you're mad at me for leaving you hanging for so long. :)

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**Chapter Eighteen**

_A few days later…_

It was a normal lunch hour at the coffeehouse. Or, rather, it was what was normal _now_. Rachel took the armchair. Ross and Joey sat on the stools at the high table. Phoebe was on the right side of the couch. None of them ever sat on the left side of the large orange couch, and they never mentioned not sitting there to each other. It was just unspoken agreement that that was where Monica and Chandler would sit when they came back. If they came back.

It wasn't as if Monica and Chandler had cut themselves out from the group entirely. They had been trying so hard lately to act as they had a few months ago. Monica now made breakfast every day, just like she used to. Chandler made annoying sarcastic jokes, just as he did before the incident. He even went back to working three days a week, leaving Monica alone in the apartment as long as Joey or Ross was home. Everyone knew they were together now, of course. But otherwise the couple made every attempt to act normally around the rest of their friends.

No, the problem was that Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Ross just didn't buy it.

They tried to, of course. But they couldn't believe that Monica had just turned around in such a short period of time. She had gone from the pregnancy test and needing Chandler with her every second of the day to pretending like nothing had happened. Phoebe thought that maybe her conversation with Monica a few days ago had helped, when she had told Monica about her experiences on the streets and how much everyone outside their circle of friends missed her. Phoebe hadn't told the other three about that conversation, and aside from Monica, Phoebe didn't think anyone knew what had happened to her as a teenager. But still, Phoebe hoped that what she said had given Monica some perspective.

The other three were more confused. Ross was still a little on the edge around Chandler and was in (as Rachel had dubbed it) super-protective mode concerning his sister. Joey was a bit leery of approaching Monica; during her pregnancy scare he had seen a side of her that he had never seen before and didn't want to see again anytime soon. Rachel was still comprehending the fact that Monica had been thinking about suicide. Even though it was more than a week since Monica had collapsed, and Chandler had been proven wrong that Monica hadn't been attempting to kill herself, Rachel still had a hard time wrapping her brain around it.

Despite Monica and Chandler's sincere efforts, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Ross found themselves as a group of four much more of the time. They had plenty to talk about- Ross had a seemingly endless supply of dinosaur anecdotes- but they still found themselves lapsing into silence for no reason at all. Rachel often found herself waiting for a sarcastic comment from Chandler or Monica's input on an issue, but then Rachel realized that they weren't there.

It was one of those awkward moments now. Joey had just finished telling them about his latest audition, and what started as an energetic conversation had lapsed into silence, with each of the four friends staring off into space.

It was at that moment that Chandler entered the coffeehouse, Monica slightly behind him, their hands clasped tightly together.

Chandler cleared his throat to get the others' attention. "Uhh…hey," he said awkwardly.

Four heads whipped around to the back of the couch, each wearing an extremely surprised expression. Joey almost thought it was too good to be true. Maybe he had dreamed the past month. But then he saw how much thinner Monica was than she had been a month ago and how anxious she now looked.

"Hey, you're really here!" Phoebe exclaimed, giving Monica a huge smile and a thumbs-up. Monica smiled back, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she did so.

"Yeah, come on, sit down, sit down," Rachel said, gesturing to the couch, to the spot that they had left for Monica and Chandler. "Ross'll get you some coffee, _won't you Ross_?" Rachel asked pointedly, clearly thinking that Ross had some sucking up to do.

Ross jumped up and got their coffee, while Monica and Chandler sat on the couch, she in the crook of his arm, their hands still clasped.

"So, what were you all talking about?" Chandler asked with a meaningful glance at the rest of the group, not wanting Monica to feel awkward.

"Joey was telling us about his latest audition," Phoebe said with a nod. "Pretty interesting, right Joey?"

"Uh, yeah," Joey began hesitantly, looking at Phoebe and then Chandler for some sort of confirmation. Seeming to have gotten what he was looking for, he continued. "Well, you see, I'm up for the role of a…woman…," he trailed off, looking sheepish.

This time, Rachel didn't have to wait for Chandler's sarcastic comment. It was there, just as it should be. As was Monica's stifled giggle.

Ten minutes later, Monica got up to use the bathroom. Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey leaned closer Chandler and started bombarding him with questions the moment she was out of earshot.

"How'd you get her to agree to come?" Rachel whispered.

"I didn't, she-," Chandler began but was cut off by Joey.

"Should I not have told that story about the girl I saw the other night? I don't know if that was a good idea…"

"Do you really think we should have let her go to the bathroom by herself?" Ross asked, anxiously looking back there every few seconds.

"Okay, whoah whoah whoah!" Chandler exclaimed. "First of all, she wanted to come here. It was her idea."

"What? Are you sure?" Rachel asked, shocked.

"Well we were sitting in the apartment and she asked if we could come here. So yes, Rachel, I'm sure."

"Hey," Phoebe interjected, trying to help Chandler out. "I think it's great that you guys came, and that Monica feels _comfortable _enough to be here. Ross, the bathroom's like ten feet away. She's fine."

"Okay…," Ross agreed, but he still kept looking towards the bathroom at regular intervals.

"I agree," Chandler said. He turned to Joey, who was looking worried. "Joe, don't worry about that story. She was fine with it. We all just want things to be back to normal, don't we?" Everyone nodded emphatically. "So, we all need to just talk about what we usually talk about. And Joey, the one night stands you've had are, unfortunately, what you usually talk about."

--

An hour later, as they were leaving the coffeehouse, Phoebe whispered to Monica, "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No," Monica whispered, seeming somewhat surprised herself. "It really wasn't."

"Baby steps," Phoebe said with a knowing nod. "You'll get there. You'll be fine."

Monica felt tears spring to her eyes as she hugged her friend tightly. "Thank you, Pheebs."

--

About a week later, Chandler came home from work to find Monica at the stove, making dinner. "Hi Mon," he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, before picking up the mail and rifling through it.

"Hey," she said, turning her back to the stove and wiping her hands on her apron. "I, uh, need to talk to you about something."

Chandler dropped the mail in a messy pile on the table. "What? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing's wrong," Monica stammered, going over to the table and cleaning up the mess Chandler had just made. "I, uh, kinda did something today." She began hesitantly.

"What? Come on, Monica, tell me. What did you do?" Chandler asked, not knowing if he should be worried or not.

"Okay, I went downtown, and…um, asked for my job back?" her voice ended in a whisper, and her eyes met his questioningly.

He smiled and pulled her to him. "Are you sure about this?"

She relaxed the moment he had touched her, and responded confidently. "Yes."

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered into her hair.

"I'm just so sick of…you know? And I need to…just…get back…," Monica rambled in a whisper, her hands running back and forth across Chandler's back and arms.

"I know," he whispered back to her. "I know."

"I know you do," she said.

--

Two days later, around 5:00 in the afternoon, Monica was returning home from her first day back at work. It had been hard, but she was so glad that she had taken this step. She knew it would take awhile for her to be fully comfortable going out in public, but she felt that she could do it now. Monica would now be working four days a week, from ten in the morning to five in the afternoon. The only thing she had requested when she asked for her job back was to not work after dark. Thankfully, her boss had understood. Monica had been extremely nervous that morning, having woken up at 5am and not being able to make herself eat breakfast, even when Chandler had pleaded with her. He had offered to go into work with her, but she was adamant about being able to do it herself. He did come in and have lunch with her, and she ate then. Chandler also made her promise to call him when she was leaving the restaurant, and if it took her more than twenty minutes to get home, he assured her that he would go looking for her.

Now Monica walked up the stairs and paused in front of the door to her apartment. She just needed a moment to herself to think about what she had done today. Monica knew that if it hadn't been for Chandler, and, surprisingly, Phoebe, she would never have been able to get over this. Of course, Rachel, Joey, and Ross had helped tremendously too. Monica realized how truly lucky she was to have friends that were there for her.

Monica turned the knob and walked into her apartment, where her five friends stood waiting for her. The lights were dimmed, there were balloons and streamers, and in the center of the table sat a cake bearing the word "Congratulations!".

"Oh, you guys!" Monica exclaimed, instantly feeling tears prick her eyes. "What is this? What did you do?"

Chandler stepped out and hugged her tightly. "We thought we'd have a little party to celebrate your going back to work, but if it's too much…" he said quickly, misreading her tears for something else.

"Oh no, it's perfect!" Monica reassured him, kissing him soundly. "It's perfect, thank you!" she hugged each of her friends genuinely in turn.

"All right, is it cake time now?" Joey asked impatiently when Monica had finished hugging everyone.

"Hold on a sec, Joe," Chandler said, pulling a small black box from his pocket and handing it to Monica. "This is for you," he said softly, looking nervous.

"Chandler…" Monica said warningly, taking it from him. She loved him, she knew she did and he knew she did, but it was way too soon for what she thought this was.

"Oh, no, it's not, it's…not," Chandler said lamely.

"Oh, okay," Monica replied, feeling disappointed for some reason. She opened the box to find an elegant sapphire necklace. "It's beautiful," she whispered, smiling up at him. A few feet away, Rachel nudged Phoebe and grinned. "Put it on me?" Monica asked, her voice a little choked. He did, and then they kissed sweetly until Joey cleared his throat meaningfully.

"_Now_ can we have cake?"

--

Hours later, when everyone had finally gone home, Monica laid on the couch, exhausted, while Chandler finished cleaning up the apartment.

"Hey?" she asked hesitantly. "Just for the record? The…thing that I thought you were trying to say before?"

"Yeah?" Chandler asked slowly, not sure what to expect.

"I wouldn't be totally against it. You know, someday."

Chandler moved to sit next to her. He took her hands in his and looked her in the eye. "Someday?"

Monica blushed and smiled at him. "Someday _soon_, maybe?" She asked, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah." Chandler agreed, relieved. "Someday soon would be good."

"Okay," she whispered, grinning. "Good."

**THE END** **(really this time)**


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